Mastodon

(Of course it's vegetarian - mastodons are extinct!)

Cook lentils with salt, pepper, cumin, nutmeg, and fennel.  It comes out tasting so much like meat that your family won't believe that it doesn't contain meat, so when they insist that you tell them what animal it's made from, tell them it's mastodon.  Of course, mastodon soup is great with hearty winter vegetables - parsnips, turnips, carrots, or spuds.  I just made a mastodon and rice salad, and the great hulking beastie still insisted on mountains of carrots.  If you're an advanced enough culture to make wine, burgundy or something else ponderous and rich is a fine accompaniment.

Speaking of going back in time - Nina, I've stopped using mushrooms for pate because it's so hard to predict how much water they'll contribute.  But I do like stuffed mushrooms - chop up the stems & saute in butter, add crumbs and shredded cheese of your choice (I'm partial to cheddar, but a mix of Swiss/Parmesan gets the best reviews) along with your selections among garlic, chives, fresh parsley, sesame seeds, and/or chopped walnuts.  Mush this into the caps without eating TOO much of it en route, pop 'em under the broiler until they start to brown, and look out for the stampede! 

Love, Columbine (seeking solace in cuisine after the accidental destruction of her garden)