Will do thanks Trace... I always said my babe has or will have degrees of OCD..every since he was a babe really... and it HAS to happen or else he just is restless and annoying to put it nicely.. he won't stop bugging till it happens or he has a very restless sleep, espcially when hubby pulls a night shift.. the house dynamics are not right and he knows it... and is not comfortable with it... and it is a nightmare to put him to bed as he knows Dad is not here.. and he can't hear the beep on the truck cuz it is gone.... and will ask repeativly when Dad will be home and stuff, and let me tell you when you say dad will be home when you wake up... when he wakes in the morning.. he makes sure Dad is home... the first thing he does and asks is if Dad's home and then will make sure he goes to the bed and checks... and then he is fine... and calms down and goes on with his day... it is more of night rituals then anything else...

I live in Edmonton Alberta... I am sure we do have a facility...

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~Is a downtown girl cuz I like waking up with my hair messed up!!!

He sounds very literal as well ( dad will be home in the morning...) which is another asperger's trait.  Anything he's fixated on, beyond the point of normal interest?  That would be, in my opinion, the biggest indicator of AS, depending on his age.  He might be too young yet.  Adrian's first obsession was dinosaurs.  Knew everything there was to know.  He was 3.  But between ages 1 and 2, he'd watch Sesame Street everyday, like he was addicted to it.  I had to tape it, because he'd be SO upset when it was over and didn't understand that it wasn't on all day long.  Again, being a first time parent, I din't know what was 'normal', because I knew that young children enjoy repetition and benefit from it. 

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I forgot to ask--how upset would he have been if dad had NOT been home in the morning?  I know for Adrian, it would be like I lied. As he's gotten older, he has been able to realize that all things are not definite and sometimes things happen that are beyond your control.  It still kind of upsets him though.  But I always warn him ahead of time, like, dad is supposed to be home at 5:30, but it depends on when he actually leaves and busy the roads are.  That tends to appease him if Jim happens to be late.  I do that with different situations too.  He doesn't like change, so if I plan to do anything in his room or move furniture, I tell him in the morning before he goes to school so he has all day to be prepared that the couch may be in a different place when he comes home!

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Braydin would be totally upset if Dad was not home in the morning... It would ruin the day totally till Dad got home... Braydin is fixated on a couple of shows but he get's that they will be on again... but he does get upset when they are over... Braydin is 3, BTW... He will ask though and make sure that they are on again.. if he want's to watch them... Braydin is alright with change like when we moved into our new house when he was about two... he went to my mom's slept there and when he came home it was the new house and he saw his stuff and was like oh okay, I'm home... but he is set in his routine.. he knows when supper should be, and knows that after I do the dishes he has a bath, then I have my shower... I notice it more with the night time routine...

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~Is a downtown girl cuz I like waking up with my hair messed up!!!

Routine is completely normal.  Kids need that.  It's a safety net for them.  No matter what else goes on around them in a day, there are certain things they can count on.  Braydin doesn't sound out of the ordinary in that respect.  You know him better than anyone, and believe me, you'll notice if something seems strange.  Atleast you're open to ideas and possibilities.  I had no clue.  The signs were there and I just didn't see them.  I thought he was just really smart and really interested in certain things.  When he started school, I began to see thru teachers that he wasn't the same as his classmates.

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Thanks Trace... I got your email.. added you to my MSN...

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~Is a downtown girl cuz I like waking up with my hair messed up!!!

Trace: I think anyone with a "different child" will have stories of how their child has not been accepted, and yeah most of the time our own families are in denial. My inlaws were the worst. This couldn't happen in their family! It must be something I did to him! They would take Alex for a few days at a time when he was young to give us a break, one time we were trying a medication to see if it would help. Alex, through his own words after a month on the medication said to his doc. that he felt happy for the first time. God they can make you cry some times eh. My inlaws withheld the medication for his visit ,because there was nothing wrong with him!  O.K. any one who knows anything about psyciatric meds knows you never stop them suddenly! Disaster narrowly avoided there. They never would take our other 2 kids for a visit I guess they never needed a break! Alex we decided didn't need any either after that, nor did we. If we could only make it mandatory that everyone has an education on psyciatric disorders!  The world would be a better place. Alex had a teacher in highschool ask me what I saw for his future. I answered her and my husband almost stood to applaud, that I saw and expected for Alex to be a self sustaining Adult, didn't she concur? She was taken aback by that, but put forth a better effort to teach him. I hate to slam teachers though, I have seen some absolutly wonderful teachers, Truly a credit to there profession, I have also seen the ones that are in it for the money and the vacation perks, no credit at all! Think back to before you were aware that your little baby was not "perfect" If you had started to write a book and chronical all the ups and downs of your journey to date, how would it read?

My book would be an adventure story, for My Alex is a daredevil. Always pushing the limits. He has no natural fear of danger, thus challenges the laws of nature to the limit and the equipment he uses to do so. He is very mechanically inclined If you came to my house and walked into My back yard you would think a bike shop blew up! Alex at any time could build at least 2 bicycles out of spare parts he has accumulated. He always has the neighborhood kids in to have something on there bikes fixed. All the bike shops in town know that if they are going to through something out they only need to let Al know and its then in my back yard!  No picnic area!

Keep the faith, all will turn out well!
Audrey

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~The mind is like a parachute, It always works best when it's open~Edna Buchanan~

~Northern Spy~The Apple of my Pie~

~Audrey~

I also had a teacher at Adrian's highschool ask me what I saw for his future.  I said 'greatness'.  This confused her.  I said, 'Well come one, he's suffered such adversity throuhout his life, there has to be something great waiting for him'.  I then told her that I expected that Adrian would be a capable, productive member of society and I was doing my level best to help that happen.  She meant no harm, she's actually his EA, but I think sometimes teachers think it's all piled on them and the parents expect them to turn out the well rounded adult.  Not so with me.  I have let every teacher know that I am open to any and all ideas and communication between us is the most important thing; if i don't know about a problem, I certainly can't help with it.

Adrian had a WONDERFUL teacher in grade 6 that just turned things around for him.  He had attended autism seminars and for the first time, Adrian had a teacher who truly understood his needs and really, honestly wanted to do what was best for him. He started the ball rolling on an EA, an IEP and all kinds of other things because he understood Adrian's needs.  He knew that Adrian needed visual rminders, so he had laminated drawings on Adrian's desk that reminded him what he needed to do if he was upset, or if the fire alarm went, etc.  Adrian had a hard time remembering to put his winter boots where they belonged at school, so Phil used masking tape to simply make a square where the boots belonged so Adrian would see the square and be reminded that he should put his boots there.  What a great guy.  He also had an EA come in to do a seminar with his classmates to explain what AS is and how it affects Adrian.  Once the kids understood how Adrian thinks and why he does what he does, so many of them gave him the understanding and compassion that had been lacking for the 7 years he'd been there.

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Trace
Alex has had good and not so good teachers but highschool is where he shines.  We placed him in a program called transitions to highschool in grade 9 a class of 8 highneeds individuals some with psycological disorders but most with behavioral problems caused by a hard life. Some people thought we were terrible parents for subjecting him to those kind of people. They didn't realize that was how Alex was percieved by most of his peer group anyway. Alex does not discriminate, he doesn't see the difference. the scarry guy hanging out on the street corner downtown would be Al's friend. He will talk with anybody where ever he goes. This program and the teacher  brought Alex back to school. before that year I could not see him staying in school or getting a diploma. Alex in turn became the biggest success story for the class and the example for keeping it up and running when they tried to cut the funding. He works as a peer tutor in the class now. 
I took Alex to a Tourettes seminar in Toronto  When he was in grade nine. It was the first time he actually saw that he was not alone in his disorder. Ther is a whole lot of people like him and some are very successful. If you have time check out the web site of Duncan McKinlay lifesatwich.ca Alex met him and a few others with TS and spent some time with boys his own age who where active in the TS foundation. It was truly a life changing event for him. He also incountered some one with corprolalia (calling out) this is what TS is commonly known for it is present in less than 10% of  those with TS. he thought it would be cool to "get that" , the gentleman called out "bite me" every once in a while It was made light of by those that knew him well and no one was offended. 
I must admit it was in my darkest days not knowing where or how anything would ever be normal in my life that I first heard Great Big Sea! I think it was when I'm up, I went looking for the group in the cd store the next week and found nothing. It was about a year later they came to our local summer festival, and I was hooked. Ordinary day was my life.  Consequence free must have been written for Alex it fits him to a T. If and when I ever meet, I will have to say Thank you to them for helping me see that " its just an ordinary day, and its all your state of mind, at the end of the day,you've just got to say its all right"!

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~The mind is like a parachute, It always works best when it's open~Edna Buchanan~

~Northern Spy~The Apple of my Pie~

~Audrey~

OMG! Ordinary Day is what I have always called 'Adrian's anthem.'  The part that goes, 'she might stumble if they push her round, she might fall, but she'll never lie down, it's not so bad' gets me choked up every time, even thinking about it, because that IS Adrian.  I have always told Adrian that it doesn't matter what happens outside these 4 walls, because once inside, he is safe and surrounded by love and it's all how you look at things.  And Adrian almost always has a smile on his face, especially when he's got these 4 walls around him.  (By the way, Consequence Free is HIS favourite song too!)

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Well, I know this thread started out with someone else seeking advice, but it has helped me feel better about my Nick. We had a really difficult time with him in school because he had this genius IQ but his schoolwork did not reflect this. The only time he was happy in school was in preschool when he was in Montessori School because he could learn what he wanted when he wanted, in the manner in which he needed. If I had had money, he would have gone to Montessori School till Grade 6. But that was not to be . I spent many hours fighting for him to have the "right" IEP. Because he was gifted, they wanted to write the same IEP that they wrote for all the gifted kids. It didn't work for him - a half-day a week program was torture for him. I had to threaten to sue the School District when he was  in 6th grade to provide him accelerated instruction. He was driving his teacher nuts. I spent the ENTIRE first semester appearing in various offices until they FINALLY  allowed him to take 7th grade math. He passed the darn exam without ever having been instructed in the class. His last year in high school he attended college. But that was after I had to get an State Special Ed Advocate for him to attend the IEP conference with me. The guy was great - when the District  said, "We don['t have a program that meets his needs, so he needs to go here," the Advocate said, "If you can't take care of his needs in the District, then you must find a Privatre School to place him in. Guess what? All of a sudden, they were willing to allow him to attend college.

But the best day was when I went to the Special Ed. Office and  asked to see the Director. "He's not here," I was told. No problem. I had brought a book and taken the day off of work. I sat  down in a chair and said, "Thanks, I'll wait." Very mysteriously, the Director appeared in about 15 minutes to chat with me.

God bless all of you fighting the system for your kids. Keep it up. Best thing you can do!

Anne

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And when the winds of change begin to blow,
I'll whisper, "You're my lighthouse" in case you didn't know.

Sons of Maxwell

visit my website!:
Anne's Philly Phan Site at http://www.gbsfanatic.com

BRAVO TO YOU ANNE!!

What a great story of courage and success!  You never mentioned what your son was afflicted with.  It sounds very much like my son Adrian who has Asperger's.  I'm so glad this forum has made you feel better.  When I frst started the thread, I wasn't so sure,thought maybe it was too much of a downer, but everyone has been so great.  I knew I couldn't possibly be the only one in this great big kitchen with these kinds of problems.  Ithas made me feel so much better, sharing things with everyone here and them sharing back.  Things don't feel so huge when you don't have to go them all alone.

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Trace, the offical diagnosis is still very much up in the air. He definitely has Oppositional Difiant Disorder and not quite ADHD and perhaps a bit bi-polar. He spent a year in Behavior Therapy, a total of 9 months in the mental hospital in three stays and we spent two years in Family Therapy trying to deal with him. A wonderful psychiatric aide pulled us aside at one point and told us to take a step back and look at him at age 26. He assured us we would see a different person.

He was right. Nick has changed a lot. He still has a very long way to go, but at least he is able to hold a job at this point and provide child support for his daughter. He never did complete high school but is expr essing the desire to go to college one day to become a history prof. Interesting.

We still can't sit and have a meaningful conversation, but he does talk to his older brother, so that's a blessing. We were through the wringer with him and it's nice to  see an improvement and I hiope to see more. But if I don't, it's still good.

Anne

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And when the winds of change begin to blow,
I'll whisper, "You're my lighthouse" in case you didn't know.

Sons of Maxwell

visit my website!:
Anne's Philly Phan Site at http://www.gbsfanatic.com

Despite the hardships, we love them to pieces and sometimes we love them all the more because of the struggles they endure.  No matter what the cost, I'm in it for the whole ride.  I have all the hope in the world for my son, and sometimes hope is all you can rely on. It's the only thing that makes any sense sometimes.

All the best to you, your son and the rest of the family.  No matter what struggles Nick still has to face, I think his is a success story.

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Cool that you have such a good discussion going.  I am so glad this is happening.  And now we have Ehar, too, for an inside view of his experience of Asperger's.  You guys have all been through a lot. Canadian Lisa, I am glad you joined.  And dont worry too much about Braydin just yet.  If he as a serious disorder like OCD or AS, it will come out.  Like Trace said, you are the mom and you will see it if it exists.  Those disorders tend to seriously interefere with daily life.  I have enjoyed pictures of your little guys and your stories on posts.
Right now, my guy is doing really pretty well, for which I am very thankful. He has Down Syndrome, so I dont usually have to deal with two major things you guys do- one is diagnosis which can be so slow and so painful, and delayed, and the other is the less visible nature of ADHD, ODD, OCD, ASD.  Espen has the physical features of DS, so people usually get half a clue.  Being a parent of a special child, you really have to get over disapproval from others, don't you?  MAny, many people are kind, like the lady who kind of watched my kids and smiled tonight as they ate at a Chinese restaurant  (when they were still hungry and behaving themselves) and some are not, like the woman who berated me at in the health club locker room.  Anyway, I choose to focus on the positive ones and try to be places where we are welcome.
Our major struggles were his very poor immune system which is much improved at age 7, but totally disabled My life for about 5 years. Now I guess it is trying to motivate him. He didnt dress  himself until last year, and same with being independent on the potty.  It is still really hard to get him to do almost anything- get up, get dressed, eat breakfast.  Very hard on school ams. His defiance really wears me out, and is hard on the aides at school too.  Fortunately he has a great am one and also great pm one.  How he would love it if no-one put any demands on him!!
keep up the good work everyone.  Yes, GBS has been a blessing, and I am also an "Ordinary Day" fan!

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Peace, Ann