NorthernSpy:

 

Anything that will not do harm is always worth a try, it is trial and error or success with matters of the mind, testing is only good for the day it is done with the circumstances that preceeded the testing taken into consideration. I had Alex tested 3 times twice by the school board and once privately. I got better results when I paid for them, they evaluated him over a period of time taking into consideration that he could just be having a bad day or be nervous if it was all done in one day. We were also interviewed as well as his teachers for an overall picture of how he behaved at home and school. The school testing was done in an hour once he was nervous the next time he had a cold and was not at his best. I learned to take what other said with a grain of salt and trust my own instincts.

 

 

  When I got test for College it was over the course of several months. every other week and they talked to EVERYONE, teachers, bosses, friends, relatives I found it really invasive -  but  it did give me a few answers that I had not had before. I needed a "Traslator" to understand a lot of it tho' . 

 The thing about Pot for adhd, wow, that's a new one. 

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Draco Dormiens Nunquam Titillandus
"Take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented." E. Wiesel
OKP's Resident B****
Imprudens est draconem vivum de consiliis tuis omittere.
Steet team Leader for NYS, OH and Southern Ontario.

I am in a sticky spot. 4 months ago I allowed my around-40 year old sister-in-law to move in after losing her job in Gettysburg and now on unemployment. I agreed to her living here 8 months so she could find a job.

Well,after she moved in my kitchen electronics got torn up and she melted my microwave from the OUTSIDE. She whacked a flowering bush in my front yard to a nub in the middle of the other 5, stating it was dead. I called the mother-in-law and asked if Amy is even ABLE to live on her own. I found out at that moment Amy was mentally retarded. My husband didn't know about this b/c during his high school years there were so many foster kids in and out. Amy was adopted during the Vietnam war.

I've obtained her paperwork from the school district showing she has the mentality of an 8-10 year old. Her reading and writing skills are almost of a 1 year old. She's never lived alone. No one told me!!!!

How do you talk to a 40 year old 8 year old child? How do you handle an adult child? I'm lost.

BTW, my mother-in-law is a PhD psych nurse (retired) for abused children, and kept from getting Amy 'labeled'. We're not talking right now. 

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Cindi

The girl who can't dance says the band can't play

Born in Argentia, raised in Placentia

I meant her writing skills are almost of a first grader, sorry.

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Cindi

The girl who can't dance says the band can't play

Born in Argentia, raised in Placentia

isotoper:

How do you talk to a 40 year old 8 year old child? How do you handle an adult child? I'm lost.

Whoa!  What a mess.  I hope you're going to stick with the 8 month deadline.  Meanwhile, talk to these folks. 

BTW, my mother-in-law is a PhD psych nurse (retired) for abused children, and kept from getting Amy 'labeled'. We're not talking right now. 

Love and disbelief, Columbine

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I've worked with several kids/families that didn't want their kid "labled" and refused services,or would not share relevant info. with the school. Currently dealing with a family that is very much against medication, have the kid on herbal stuff. Has shown he is capable of sitting, working, being appropriate, but then has days he barks, spits, throws self on the floor. >:/. A parent who refuses medication and treatments for their child with cancer is taken to court, but an ADD child whose behavior impacts their everyday ability to function (and is horribly disruptive to those around him) goes untreated/medicated due to parent perception. Sometimes you need to swallow your pride and beliefs to do what is best for your child

lattelady - I think you're right; people who refuse to seek medical help for their medically challenged children often do it out of a sense of false pride.  I don't do charity jobs any more because I always seemed to end up babysitting some wealthy donor's mentally ill or severely retarded family member who was "just a little slow and needs something to keep busy," so they were signed up as charity volunteers - to undo all the work the paid workers were doing and soak up all our time with their difficulties which we weren't trained to address.  Among working folk it's as often anti-technology Ludditism or justifiable mistrust of the medical establishment as anything else, but now and then you'll hit a case that's purely "don't bring shame on the family."

Love, Columbine  

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Cindi - I can't believe what you were allowed to walk into.  I hope things work out, somehow.  Maybe you'll get your sister-in-law the help she needs.

Ladies: there's a lot to think about here.  I know my boy is not Hyperactive.  I know he can't complete tasks.  The multi-step test is a failure almost everytime.  He's not disrupting anyone else, and he understands the tasks, he just doesn't get them done without one-on-one help staying on task.  I'd love for there to be an OT solution, rather than meds, if only because every ten years or so we hear about how the med solution we've used turns out to be harmful in some other way. I also have no problem with appropriate labels because they allow the labelled person access to appropriate help.  The stigma of the labels is something we need to work on culturally, and that's starting, at least in mental health.  I'm worried that my boy will be mislabelled but that's part of the trial and error the Dr's go through trying to diagnose something as intangible as the root cause of behaviour.  If he wasn't walking and was missing a leg, this would be easy to solve.

Might offer the boy a milky coffee, just because he likes it, and it can't have as much caffiene or sugar as a regular serving of coke. We rarely drink pop at all.  There's ginger ale for upset tummies and root beer for ice cream floats, both of which happen only rarely.

(not to add to the fight, but there is a regular and a caffienated Mountain dew (with some dumb name like "extreme"), which I found out about when ordering pizza and pop for delivery.  The sales person had to warn me that the MD they sold had caffiene, and isn't reccommended for kids.)

Thanks everyone, for your input. 

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Sing an unwritten song or repent for the deeds you left undone.- GBS
If curious means that you trade your routines for something free, the freedom you feel's the whole point of the deal so curious I'll be! - BNL
Priates over Ninjas!!

lattelady63:

I've worked with several kids/families that didn't want their kid "labled" and refused services,or would not share relevant info. with the school. Currently dealing with a family that is very much against medication, have the kid on herbal stuff. Has shown he is capable of sitting, working, being appropriate, but then has days he barks, spits, throws self on the floor. >:/. A parent who refuses medication and treatments for their child with cancer is taken to court, but an ADD child whose behavior impacts their everyday ability to function (and is horribly disruptive to those around him) goes untreated/medicated due to parent perception. Sometimes you need to swallow your pride and beliefs to do what is best for your child

Been there as a teacher. It's unfair to the other 25 kids in the class who are having their education compromised by the child's behavior, as well as being unfair to the kid. The kid's behavior invariably makes him/her ostracized by the other kids in the class, and the cild ends up with no firends at school. What a lonely existence! Educators have NO recourse when parents refuse to get help for their child.

Anne

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And when the winds of change begin to blow,
I'll whisper, "You're my lighthouse" in case you didn't know.

Sons of Maxwell

visit my website!:
Anne's Philly Phan Site at http://www.gbsfanatic.com

Columbine, I believe you gave me the break I was looking for! Thank you so much for that resource - I didn't know it existed. I feel like I was just thrown a life preserver.

Thank you all for this thread. You've certainly touched my life.

May God, or Supreme Being in your life, bless each of you.  Thank you for what you do.

Cindi 

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Cindi

The girl who can't dance says the band can't play

Born in Argentia, raised in Placentia

isotoper:

Columbine, I believe you gave me the break I was looking for! Thank you so much for that resource - I didn't know it existed. I feel like I was just thrown a life preserver.

I defer to Messrs. Page and Brin (the guys who invented Google) but I'm glad I could help!  Please keep us posted.  "Human dumping" is rampant these days, and getting tagged "primary caregiver" can mean "you're legally obligated to carry this person for the rest of your natural life," depending on local laws, so getting reliable advice from experienced people is extremely important.

Love, Columbine 

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isotoper:

 I called the mother-in-law and asked if Amy is even ABLE to live on her own. I found out at that moment Amy was mentally retarded.

 

In addition to the ARC chapter that Columbine sent you info on try the NCCDD- North CarolinaCouncil on Developmental Disabilities, North Carolina Department of  Health and Human Services, North Carolina Division of Mental Health,, Developmental Disabilities and Substance Abuse and/or a Sheltered Workshop in your area.  

 Since she was employed before coming to you, the Sheltered workshop can help you get her into a program that will give her access to  things like training both at home ( Residential habilitation  is what they call that here - "Res Hab" for short.) , Respite care, help Negotiating and getting Medicaid for your SIL , Counseling services if need and Group home placement if needed, they may even be tapped into and/or running recreation programs Community Day Habilitiation Programs, ect .  I know the sheltered workshop that I am Staff at has all that and more.  They might even be able to get her tested so you can see exactly where she is and what she needs.

 

 

 

 

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Draco Dormiens Nunquam Titillandus
"Take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented." E. Wiesel
OKP's Resident B****
Imprudens est draconem vivum de consiliis tuis omittere.
Steet team Leader for NYS, OH and Southern Ontario.

Cindi, I think you're amazing even if you feel totally helpless. You aren't in a sticky spot, you were shoved into a downright ugly place and been left to clean up. It's great that you've been looking into things with her since you should never have been put into the position of having to pick up her pieces to begin with.

You said your husband didn't know (although I wonder how he couldn't have at least suspected she was "off" given she operates on an 8-10 year old level) but how does he feel about the situation now? Is he helping you deal with the mess? Has he spoken to his mother about what has happened? 

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"I see you in the front row, bouncing up and down, you're ripped and ready for a night downtown." ~ Margarita
What's wrong with a little flirtation?

Monster Tee

Sorry for the double post (Cindi I hope you're not too mired down by the muck) but I wanted to mention what happened last night at Kaesye's parent-teacher interview. I am both relieved and lost as to what to do next. To give you an idea, my FB status this morning was "Finally figured out what the problem is with my kid. She has split personalities. Someone with the calmness and combined genius of Marcy and Linus attends school while Peppermint Patty combined with Lucy (on a BAD day) does the homework."

Kaesye came with us and was supposed to sit and wait in the hallway. When her teacher saw her, she ran out to get her so that she could, quite literally, show off what a great student she is. She pulled a book to show us how well Kaesye has learned to decode (read). She had her show us her portfolio. It's a binder with all kinds of sub-divisions for different things. There's something special about it that has made it a new teaching tool. Her teacher gave a seminar on it for other teachers a few weeks ago. Apparently most children have problems understanding how it works and need help with organizing it on a weekly basis. Kaesye needs absolutely no help and her teacher brought her book to the seminar to show everyone how well it can work. Teachers were surprised that it could be done so well by a grade 2 kid.

She was supposed to write a story. Most kids just wrote a couple of sentences,  Kaesye filled the entire page. I've known since she was about 4 that she's instinctively good at math (she doesn't comprehend how numbers work though, which is why she still doesn't understand money or time). One section of the portfolio is for the kid to put work in that she's proud of. Kaesye put in a page of geometry (I was surprised they were doing this in grade 2). They were given small grids with guidleines for perimeter and area. The kid has to figure out how many squares to colour in and in what formation to reach the values given for perimeter and area (a page of this came home and it took James 5 minutes to figure out one she didn't do and was having a fit about). The page she did in class was not only perfect by I guess she finished early. Without any requests from her teacher, she did her own formations and figured the perimeters and areas out herself.

We were somewhat speechless. when her teacher asked if we had any questions (I refrained from phrasing it 'Does she ever act like a rabid tree-weasel when doing her work?'). "Does she ever get frustrated when she gets something wrong?" "She gets easily frustrated by her friends"  (no kidding, they're mean, hurtful little cusses). I chose a word from the book that was out, malheureux (unhappy in French), and gave an example of how it plays out. She informed that that's a hard word and told me how to make it easier (which is the same as what I do) but she didn't comprehend what the problem is. That it has nothing to do with how hard it is. She couldn't fathom Kaesye being difficult in any way.

So, I'm relieved that there's no fear of her failing grade 2, but what do I do now? I know they behave differently at school but it's not that she has fits less often at school or that the teacher has a trick to keep the rabies at bay, she NEVER does this at school. Someone told me that there must be a trigger that sets her off. I must be the trigger but I still have to sit down and do homework with the tree-weasel, there's no other option.

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"I see you in the front row, bouncing up and down, you're ripped and ready for a night downtown." ~ Margarita
What's wrong with a little flirtation?

Monster Tee

Fran: Kaesye"s patterns remind me somewhat of My Chris. I always refered to him as a very determined child in conversation with his teachers avoiding the word stuborn, sometimes he is very determined to appose anything he is asked to do. . Chris however after grade 3 had the same atitude at school as he did with work at home. sometimes I think he is afraid to really succeed, if he does really well once we will expect it of him always and if he then can't, he will feel really bad about letting us or more likely himself down. (if that makes any sense to anyone)

If you don't get visably upset with her about homework then things may change, if you give praise for the right attitude and ignore the bad it may help. These things are much easier to say than to do, our children like to press our buttons and watch us come undone. I spent many years trying different methods with my children, sometimes they work for a short period of time sometimes not at all some were more difficult for me than for them. Ask her what the consequence will be at school if her work goes back incomplete. Would she feel comfortable with the consequence or would she rather do the work.

Sometimes I think they take the homework thing too far with young kids, they work hard at school for 6 hours a day and they are kids they should have some down time. Too much pressure at a young age is not a good thing. I worked with time limits as well, the first half hour after dinner would be homework time when my kids were under grade 5, if they didn't have any they could read or draw. After the 1/2 hour it was thier chioce to leave or stay if they had more to do. I would be cleaning up from dinner so there to help if needed. When you are having a really difficult time dealing with your child and homework ask yourself  'Is this fight worth it?' We have to choose our battles carefully with our kids because we are making memories for them to draw on for the rest of their lives.

Difficult choices indeed Good Luck!

BTW there is an end, it may not be in sight right now for you but there is an end. Cherish the trip!

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~The mind is like a parachute, It always works best when it's open~Edna Buchanan~

~Northern Spy~The Apple of my Pie~

~Audrey~

I often end the homework when the fight has gotten to be too much or it's obvious there will be no co-operation. Problem is teachers frown upon that. I often got notes home from her teacher last year reminding me that she's supposed to read the weekly story 5 times every night. I now realize why her teacher could not understand why she didn't because she wasn't a problem at school but at home when on a Monday or Tuesday it could take 45 minutes just to get through the story once (that should only take 5 minutes) because of hissy fits and there's other things to do, 5 times wasn't going to happen.

She does not like it when I walk away because she WANTS to finish it and she DOESN'T WANT to go the school with it unfinished but I can't get her to understand that she will only get what she wants if she co-operates. This is my big problem with Kaesye, she doesn't comprehend consequences. No punishment gets her to understand that next time she shouldn't do whatever it is if she doesn't want to be punished, no matter if you give her 1 warning, 3, or none. But, as with her adjusted behaviour at school, she seems to comprehend consequences there. She told hubby that she behaves at school because she doesn't want to end up in  the "reflection room". Well, she doesn't want to end up in her room at home either but that doesn't make her behave.

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"I see you in the front row, bouncing up and down, you're ripped and ready for a night downtown." ~ Margarita
What's wrong with a little flirtation?

Monster Tee