Oh Helen I am so glad he is home safe!

 

 

---

There's a difference between interest and commitment. When you're interested in doing something, you do it only when it's convenient. When you're committed to something, you accept no excuses; only results.”

Andi...that link was VERY helpful! Thank you so much!

---

Some people shine like a star in the first moment. Others keep their light hidden until they are ready to show us.

You're very welcome Trace.

---

Draco Dormiens Nunquam Titillandus
"Take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented." E. Wiesel
OKP's Resident B****
Imprudens est draconem vivum de consiliis tuis omittere.
Steet team Leader for NYS, OH and Southern Ontario.

Nice to know I'm not alone, I was hoping there was an answer but alas we are in for the long haul folks batten down the hatches!

I'm begining to think perhaps I am losing my mind! Everytime I have a chat with my children I am getting old news and the 'I told you that ages ago attitude ya know where have you been' ( this realy is my expression) My husband is in the loop I'm the only one living in lala land. scary. I am also dealing with a perimenapausal boss who keeps stepping on toes, inadequate staff levels and no time to hire 'cause I am putting out fires, or covering someones break. and the quality of applicants and there availability Oi vey!

Helen I may very well be the next article in some paper of a crazy person lost and wandering around in GBS wear, most likely humming Lukey's boat or something, and if I can find my way back to Newfoundland it would be there.

Binny it's great to here you are getting somewhere on your long journey through the phsycomedical battlefields, every victory is celebrated by all.

 

---

~The mind is like a parachute, It always works best when it's open~Edna Buchanan~

~Northern Spy~The Apple of my Pie~

~Audrey~

Okay parents,

I could use some assistance. A young lady in my room did something I did not expect her to do today, coupled with some odd things I couldn't put my finger on. When the new girl leaned on her desk, she pinched her!!!! And then was surprised when the girl pinched her back. She cried almost unconsolably until I got her to breathe deeply and tell me what the matter was. SHe said the new kid had pinched her. Both of the table mates looked up and nodded when the new girl said C. had pinched her first. When I asked C about it, she said she pinched J because she had her fingers on her desk. We went over the protocol for solving problems without pinching, poking, etc. and then C turned to J and said, "We can still be friends, right?" It was pretty obvious to me that J wanted nothing to do with her at this point, but C didn't seem to get it.

At lunchtime I asked her last year's teacher about her. "She goes to special ed," he said, "and goes for both reading and math. She's also pretty spacey." I had noticed a problem following directions and had also seen the spaciness. So I go to the Spec. Ed. teacher who informs me that she's been diagnosed with Asperger's and is pretty high functioning. No duh! She wouldn't be in my class if she wasn't, and my concerns were not so much with academics.

I am annoyed that no one mentioned anything to me. I may have chosen to sit her elsewhere, not in the thick of things. What can I do to help her? I'm not getting much help from the adults in my building. I don't want her to feel like an outcast, but how do I do that? SIgh! I feel liike I haven't been paying attention here and I know I have. But I guess it's different when it's personal. Please help me help her.

Anne

---

And when the winds of change begin to blow,
I'll whisper, "You're my lighthouse" in case you didn't know.

Sons of Maxwell

visit my website!:
Anne's Philly Phan Site at http://www.gbsfanatic.com

See Anne?  That's why you're an awesome teacher.  You're not saying "I wish someone had told me so I could brace myself" you're saying "I wish someone had told me so I could have things in place to help this child succeed!"  You rock!  I got nothin' but maybe Trace has some recommendations, or places where you can get recommendations!

---

In the social order, I accept the bottom rung, until the wine is pouring and the Lord commands a song!

You ARE awesome, Anne. It's teachers like you that have helped Adrian thru the school system. I'm not sure what to say about this girl's particular behaviour (Adrian has never hit, punched, kicked etc anyone), but her lack of understanding of the out come of what she's done certainly sounds familiar. You can go to the Autism Society's website to obtain info regarding AS. Autism Speaks probably has stuff too. On page 17 (I believe...I'll check after I post) of this thread, I posted my own observations and knowledge of AS, as Jo had asked about it. You can email me or pm if you want to talk about any personal strategies for this girl. AS kids are highly visual, I will tell you that, and you'll get better response from visual cues than verbal ones. For example...Adrian's grade 6 teacher taped a square under the coat rack so that Adrian would see it and remember that his outdoor shoes must go there and he was to put on his indoor shoes. No need for verbal reminders everyday. He also had a row of pictures on Adrian's desk of certain daily tasks that Adrian was to do. He'd see the pictures and do them without having to be told day in and day out. I used to have a sign on the wall by the kitchen table that said 'No anime talk at dinner'...when Adrian would start talking about anime, I would simply point to the sign. It saved me getting frustrated or angry or him implying that I was.

If I think of more, I'll let you know. My head's kind of foggy today, I have a cold and sore throat. I am definitely not feeling very smart today!

ETA: Yep, it's page 17. 

---

Some people shine like a star in the first moment. Others keep their light hidden until they are ready to show us.

Anne the only advise I have I'm sure you are already aware of; treat her like a person not a problem. The most agrevating teachers my son had to deal with treated him like a problem not a person. All kids come with bagage some just have bigger bags than others. It is normal for kids not to have empathy especially kids with neurological disorders. That you are willing to educate yourself  to look after your special charges puts you into a class with few people. I hope they all understand how special you are.

Danger vent ahead!

Laura quit school yesterday! She was going back for an extra year of highschool having graduated last year, before going on to college downgraded from going to university from the year before. She is 'not sure what she wants to do so she will take a year off and work'! This is wonderful for someone who has no permanent job! I now have 2 unemployed highschool grads at my house and something had better give soon or I may explode!

---

~The mind is like a parachute, It always works best when it's open~Edna Buchanan~

~Northern Spy~The Apple of my Pie~

~Audrey~

Oh Audrey, my sympathies! As you know, Adrian didn't graduate, so he's in school. His principal told me he needed 3 credits (which I still think is wrong, but...) and she was going to have him take all 3 classes and graduate in January. I asked her, 'Then what? He's sitting here on his rump all day?' So she gave him 2 classes this semester and 2 next semester (just to be sure he passes). He also needs 37 of 40 community service hours and he's not going to have those by January. But yeah, I have told Adrian that AS or not, you're either in school or working, same rule that my parents gave to me. People keep telling me to look further into disability payments for him, but I'm torn. I feel that if he begins receiving them, it may give him the wrong idea...that he doesn't need to work because he's 'disabled' or 'why work' when he can get this cheque every month. I want him to at least give work a try. My MIL thinks I should apply for him because it would help us out financially, but that seems so seedy to me, getting my son money from the government because he has AS so that we can have more money. Don't get me wrong tho...when he's working, or receiving payments, if he gets out of highschool at 19 and isn't going to college, but living here, he will need to contribute to at least the grocery bill seeing as he's eating us out of house and home!

And that reminds me...when I said to Anne about AS kids not understanding the consequences of there actions, something happened that day with Adrian. AS kids are also all about themselves. Most kids are to a certain degree, but because kids with AS just don't understand social things, they really tend not to put themselves in other people's places and they want what they want. etc. Well, Adrian is no different. He also has absolutely no self control, especially when it comes to food. Last week, I bought three 520 g bars of cheddar (the big rectangles). They only had marble, which Chelsea doesn't like, so I bought a small brick of regular cheddar just for her. I put her name on it and informed everyone that it was hers and don't eat it. Well, less than 24 hours, one 520 g brick was gone and by Sunday they all were! On Tuesday, I went to get Chelsea some of her cheese and it was GONE. I asked Adrian about it and his answer was, 'All the marble was gone and I wanted some cheese'. Didn't matter that all the marble was gone because HE ate it, didn't matter that the other cheddar was Chelsea's...he didn't even think, 'I shouldn't eat all of this because it's Chelsea's'. He wanted it, he ate it. He said, 'Well, I knew you were getting groceries today so I thought it wouldn't matter.' I explained to him that it's not a matter of whether I was getting groceries or not, it was a matter of the cheese was Chelsea's. This week she used her own money to buy some yogurt tubes because Adrian eats them all before she can get any, and I asked him if when his are gone he'll eat hers and he said 'no', but I wouldn't doubt that he would. Anyway, my point is that he just could not get why I was mad. He was absolutely incredulous about the whole thing. I've been dealing with this for 18 years and it never ceases to astonish me, some of the things he does and says, so I certainly don't envy Anne having to deal with it for the first time. (Actually, you may have dealt with undiagnosed cases in the past...it's often mis diagnosed as ADD or ADHD.) Good luck Anne, and remember that you can email or pm me any time. I'm on msn too (same addy as my email). It's a very frustrating, confusing thing to deal with. As I re-read my post, I realized I'd made Adrian sound horrible. The thing about Adrian is he'll do stuff like that, but then he'll put his butt on the line to stand up for someone who's being teased or harrassed. So he doesn't completely lack empathy, but it seems when it comes to food, it's all about him...he'd eat a whole pizza if he could, screw the rest of us! He'll have 6 pieces and can't understand why he can't have any more. I think this is the worst of any 'phase' he's gone thru, because it could seriously affect his health.

Okay, my post is more than long enough! Someone else's turn now!

---

Some people shine like a star in the first moment. Others keep their light hidden until they are ready to show us.

If you have him apply for the disability, do you think he'll demand the money? If you don't think he will, maybe you could take it, put some aside now and then to help you out for clothes and stuff for him and put all the rest in trust for him to receive if something happens to you. That way he'll have something aside to help him out because unfortunately you can't be there for him forever.

I do agree that if he sees it as 'his disability money' he may very well feel that there's no need to try to lead a 'normal' working life since the gov't doesn't think he can and hands him free money.

---

"I see you in the front row, bouncing up and down, you're ripped and ready for a night downtown." ~ Margarita
What's wrong with a little flirtation?

Monster Tee

I don't think Adrian would demand it (he knows better), but I think he would feel it should all be his to do with as he pleases. He's already told me that if he gets a job, his money is his. I told him that it depends how old he is when that happens. If he was 15 or 16, I'd let him keep his money since it's such a short time before you have to use money for bills, let him live a little, but if he's 20 and living at home, then no, he would have to contribute. I explained that unlike his father who lived with his parents rent free till he was 26, I moved out at 18 and again at 21. I would contribute by buying the food that I liked to eat, doing my own laundry and helping to keep the house tidy. I learned to take care of myself, to feel that I was making a real contribution to our household, etc. I DO need help with his clothes. He's worn men's clothes since he was 12. He needs a new winter coat because he's gained so much weight in the last 2 years and I just don't know how I can buy it AND pay for Christmas presents (Jim gives me no money for that at all...doesn't think it's important...they should be grateful for heat). I lost $200 a month when Adrian turned 18. It's going to be stressful trying to give them a nice Christmas. I was going to babysit a little girl in the mornings, but that may not happen. I didn't really want to go back to doing daycare, but with Chelsea homeschooling, it's really all I can do. I can't work during the day and Jim leaves for work at 2, so I can't work in the evenings because Adrian cannot babysit Chelsea and I really couldn't afford to pay someone.

So I guess the long answer is, I think I'd HAVE to take money from him if he received disability and he'd just have to deal with it. Either that, or I'd tell him, 'OK, we're going to WalMart and you're going to buy yourself some clothes.' Then I'd tell him that he can't eat all our food so he has to go to the grocery store and buy some food. I don't know. It's all so weird. When I was just 5 years older than Adrian, I was married. I'll figure it out somehow, I always do.

---

Some people shine like a star in the first moment. Others keep their light hidden until they are ready to show us.

Sounds to me like you have no choice but to apply for the money so don't stress about it. He NEEDS clothes and, 20 or not, he can't be expected to understand receiving nothing for christmas. It's not like your planning on taking his cheques and blowing it all at the liquor store and bingo hall.

But you know all of this and like you said, you'll figure it out somehow.

---

"I see you in the front row, bouncing up and down, you're ripped and ready for a night downtown." ~ Margarita
What's wrong with a little flirtation?

Monster Tee

Ok so Im on this subject again. Second year of kindergarten.My sons needs havnt changed. If anything Im pushing the foods that will help bone growth because in the next year he needs another bone graph and this will require wireing his jaw shut. At the end of last year the principal called and told me my son will be in the split class again. Yeah, no child with all the allergies. In the end its the same classroom, so its still not allowed. My son isnt with any of his friends, and still cant eat the things he needs to eat, eg... eggs, dairy, (protein) nuts, or shellfish. Im so angry I'm ready to put him in a different school. Im not a total bitch, I know this child could die, but I cant let his needs go ahead of my sons. The end result is that my son can eat snack in a different classromm, but what about the other kids. They need their Dairy and healthy foods as well. Do you know what you are left with if you cut all that out af your diet? Fruit and Veggies. I cant even bring in cupcakes for god sakes. Grrrr

---

Lyndz

I don't remember if you already tried this or not but can you complain to the school board? (The no dairy thing still stuns me, I've never heard of anyone with a serious allergy to dairy. I've also never heard of dairy being banned anywhere. Cheese is everywhere and, in Montreal anyway, children are still given milk by the elementary schools. Kids that can't tolerate it don't drink it, it's not a health hazard.)

---

"I see you in the front row, bouncing up and down, you're ripped and ready for a night downtown." ~ Margarita
What's wrong with a little flirtation?

Monster Tee