Carol, I was convinced that Kaesye's kindergarten teacher would say she was ADHD since she was having trouble with her. I got a checklist of symptoms and realized that I could answer yes to most of the symptoms from the teacher's point of view, but the answers were all no from how she behaved at home.

Kids behave differently at school and at home, when alone or with just 1 friend, as opposed to surrounded by them. Many little kids can't concentrate with so many playmates around them so unless your son displays more then a couple of the ADD behaviors at home with you, I wouldn't worry about it. My daughter couldn't care less at school about anything but making friends last year so it's not surprising that holding her attention for an activity would be hard, that doesn't mean there's something developmentally wrong with her (in that dep't anyway, still wondering about others).

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"I see you in the front row, bouncing up and down, you're ripped and ready for a night downtown." ~ Margarita
What's wrong with a little flirtation?

Monster Tee

Very true about with friends vs alone when at home. Chelsea is a crazy person when with more than one friend. She doesn't listen, conveniently 'forgets' things I've told her etc. But normally, she's focused and on task. At school she stayed on task as well. So I completely agree that sometimes it really does depend on their surroundings and the situation.

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Some people shine like a star in the first moment. Others keep their light hidden until they are ready to show us.

If you are that unhappy with the teacher, you can request that they transfer your child to another class. I've only done it once with my kids. Worked out really well.

Or it could be also that your child is not ready for Kindergarten the way it is structured today. My oldest daughter was not ready for Kindergarten at the end of Nursery School. She could not follow more than one direction at a time. My litmus test for readiness for Kgn. is to be able to follow a three-part direction such as "Open the cabinet, get out the box and put it on the kitchen table." Can your child follow three-step directions? If he can, he's probably not ADD. ADD kids can't listen that long. LOL! Or it might be that he's just not developmentally matured enough to do that. That's what my daughter's problem was. She did another year of Nursery School, and ended up graduating high school 10th in a class of 400, winning a 3/4 scholarship to pricey Boston University.

Kindergarten today is like 1st grade was years ago. Here at least, you don't find puzzles and blocks and housekeeping corners. Instead there are writing centers, math centers, and a classroom library. Kids are expected to be reading before they leave K and to be able to count to at least 100. They write everyday usiing inventive spelling. Maybe your son needs to be more active than this. Maybe the teacher is doing more girl-oriented activities.

In my 33 years of teaching I have taught only about 10 kids truly ADHD - kids that could not function wthout meds. Most active kids are just that, active. The teacher needs to accomodate them without labeling. Good luck. Trust your gut.

Anne

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And when the winds of change begin to blow,
I'll whisper, "You're my lighthouse" in case you didn't know.

Sons of Maxwell

visit my website!:
Anne's Philly Phan Site at http://www.gbsfanatic.com

Thank you ladies.  You've helped a lot.  Right now my "ADD" kid has been trying to write his name clearly for 10 mins so he can use the computer.  He's great in public - I can generally take him anywhere and not worry too much about him running off without warning.  I guess I'm feeling guilty because I went back to school full time last fall and I'm working full time now so I can't be around him as much as his teachers are.  I just have to remember he's my kid and I know him best...Which is what most of you say all the time for far bigger problems.

This place is great! 

 

---

Sing an unwritten song or repent for the deeds you left undone.

"and when your children are all grown, you wait by the window, and wish them all back home..." 

Today was Christopher's 16th b'day.

Sadly, when I called to wish him HB, I found out he'd run away from home 3 days ago!  I was shocked and angry that my ex hadn't told me, but more than that, I was worried sick that he's OUT THERE on his own.  His ability to communicate is reduced and he misreads social cues due to his CP and he is impulsive and a risk taker due to his sever ADHD.  I am worried what could happen.

I hope he's just hiding out in someone's basement, partying, really.  That would be better than being out on the streets.

I feel bad.

I haven't been very invovled for the past 2 months, since his dad put him in a teen psych/rehab facility.  Dad and I weren't talking and Chris is the one who's suffered. 

I feel bad, and yet kind of detached. And for that i feel guilty.

And I feel really bad for Christopher.  He must be so unhappy.

What a nice way to celebrate my son's 16th birthday.  *hangs head*

Happy Birthday Christopher.

---

Helen




I'm goin' Straight to Hell-On-Wheels!

Oh Helen, how terrible. We have all said it before; you have done all that you are capable of doing and that's a lot. You are not super human. Forgive yourself, give yourself a break. I know it's hard to do, but please try. We all care about you here...I hope Chris is alright. Please keep us updated.

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Some people shine like a star in the first moment. Others keep their light hidden until they are ready to show us.

I'm sorry, Helen. As Tracey said, we all know you tried everything and feeling guilty for not feeling guilty is often worse than feeling guilty for the initial act. 

Hang in there, you'll pull through and we'll wait along with you to hear more. 

---

"I see you in the front row, bouncing up and down, you're ripped and ready for a night downtown." ~ Margarita
What's wrong with a little flirtation?

Monster Tee

Helen - all the love and good intentions in the world couldn't have controlled a 16-year-old.

And, weirdly enough, some aspects of "partying" can actually take the edge off ADHD in some kids - maybe he's just taking a break?

Love, Columbine
 

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Helen

Been there. Done that. Nick was surprisingly close to home the first time. He really was fine but I was a mess. Nothing you can do would have kept him where he didn't want to be. Nick informs me that he needs the adrenline rush. Not wants it, but NEEDS it. WHen he gets that way, he has to take off and go somewhere exciting to him or do something exciting to him. He eventually wandered back home. MAybe he is experiencing the same thing.  It has NOTHING to do with you and everthing to do with him. That's the way the teenage years are. You are not the cause of his running away and probably could not have prevented it. GOd bless you and CHris and the family I will pray for all of you.

Remember. YOU are not the problem and perhaps cannot be the solution either. He's got to work it out for himself..

Anne

---

And when the winds of change begin to blow,
I'll whisper, "You're my lighthouse" in case you didn't know.

Sons of Maxwell

visit my website!:
Anne's Philly Phan Site at http://www.gbsfanatic.com

Helen,

So sorry to hear about Chris.  Emma did the same thing at 16.  Please do not beat yourself up; you have done everything in your power to help him.  Some kids must do everything the hard way.  Mine is still like that.  We can only pray that with maturity will come better decision making and less destructive impluses.  I was a pretty wild teen myself and thought I had the world wrapped around my finger.  Well at about 18 - 19 I realized that "my" world was going to come crashing down on me if I didn't slow down and get my poop in a group.  It just takes some longer than others to "get it."  We have put Emma through many counseling sessions, tried umpteen meds, private school, etc. etc.  Don't get me wrong - it has all helped but at the end of the day she's still stubborn and oppositional as hell.  She blames me every time she's late for work - hello.....I was already at work and you're 18 years old and need to set an alarm dearie.  I could go on and on.  He probably is just partying somewhere (that's what Emma did at 16, although she was 225 miles away)  I know how worried you are; that's our jobs as moms.  I pray that he comes around quickly and goes home.  It has nothing to do with you or how he was raised.  It took me forever to realize that with Emma; I blamed myself for everything that has gone on.  Not so much any more - it's on HER.  I will pray for Chris and all of you.  Please keep us posted; we're here for you.

Robin

Robin4Song:

...if I didn't slow down and get my poop in a group.

I'm gonna plagiarize that!  I collect Expletives Diluted, and one that rhymes is even better!

Love, Columbine (G sharp, it's after 10 already!!!) 

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Thanks for the reassurance. 

I try to keep reminding myself of the antics and stunts i pulled at his age - and that i came through those years ok.  But then I think I don't have learning and communicative disabilities - and I just hope he's ok.

No word yet. 

---

Helen




I'm goin' Straight to Hell-On-Wheels!

Helen - Anything yet?  Please don't think I was being harsh with my words.  I know Chris has issues that compound the situation.  My point was that there is no reason for you to feel guilty.  Teenagers do these things and not even for a second think about what they're doing to their parents.  When we found Emma she couldn't understand my tears and why I was so upset and why I made such a big deal about it and why couldn't we just leave her alone.  Made me almost want to just get back in the car (4+ hours a way) and leave her there.  Of course I didn't do that.  We had to get the authorities involved to get her back; we found out where she was but she refused to come home.  The police then put pressure on the mom at the house where she was staying and told her they could charge her for harboring a runaway.  I hated to do that but no one would answer the phone at the house for several days so I couldn't speak to the mom.  Not sure what your exact situation is but the authorities will help you if you need them.  Perhaps as the long weekend comes to close he will wander back on his own.  I'm thinking about you and praying he's okay.

Robin

I've been thinking about Helen since she told us. I can't help but think how worried you must be. I too pray that Chris is okay and that you get thru this without putting all kinds of guilt on yourself. But I know that guilt is a mother's lot. No matter how many people tell you not to feel it, you will. But I hope you know that no one here blames you or thinks you 'deserve' this. Please keep us updated. And as Robin said, get the police involved if you have to.

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Some people shine like a star in the first moment. Others keep their light hidden until they are ready to show us.

Robin, no worries - I knew what you meant.  I took no offense.

I have called the police in the town where Chris lives with his Dad.  Dad made a police report on the 26th, and Chris returned,  and then he left AGAIN on the 28th so there was a second police report made.  With out being able to positively ID me over the phone as his mother, the officer could only give me limited info.  They DO know Chris has special needs.  They have had other dealings with him in the past year with all the crap he's pulled, so they know a little bit about him.  They are looking, but as the oficer said, he is probably hiding out at a buddy's house rather than wandering the streets. 

My ex is being really difficult, and probably wont call me with any news, good or bad.  He is the one making me feel guilty, blaming me for not calling enough, and pretty much stated that I don't care about my son, and says "and Chris knows you don't care".  NOT TRUE, but I guess that's how HE sees it, and has projected his feelings about me onto Chris. 

I hope Chris knows that I do care and I love him no matter what.

---

Helen




I'm goin' Straight to Hell-On-Wheels!