I'm with all of you with 18 year olds - much worse than the terrible two's.  Emma went out to a party last night and never came home.  Told us she'd be late but she usually does come home.  Her cell is off; have tried a couple of her buds - either no answer or they have no.... idea where she is (it's a conspiracy).  It was her new love interest's birthday last night.  How much you wanna bet they're together.  Perhaps a call to his parents is in order, although I don't have their number - I will find it!  So....another day of no schoolwork being done.  Who knows if she has to work tonight; her work clothes are in a ball on her bedroom floor.  I'm off today so at least I'm not at work worrying; I'm here worrying.

 Oh and welcome Chelley and Charles.  Charles perhaps there is hope if you say that some of your parents' advice sunk in.  I feel like Charlie Brown's mother (or was it the teacher?)  - Wa, wa, wa, wa.......  

So beers, calgon, vodka - whatever it takes pals - CHEERS!!!!!          and of course GBS in all 6 slots in my CD player!!!!

Robin

I know my kids have the good basic insticts they need to survive. They are good kids they are just determined to drive me nuts... or perhaps I am trying to hold on too tight when I should be letting go! I guess the old saying is still true; as you as you figure out parenting you are out of a job. You don't seem to be able to do it right at the time but, when all is said and done things usually turn out just fine. I hope!

Alex has spent ALL of the money he had for his "personal" expenses while at school already and he is only half way through.He has no money to pay the insurance on his car or for gas or food! so the decision will be mine do I pay his insurance or let it lapse and have him drive my van (further destroying it). I have given him gift certificates for the grocery store and a small allowance for gas , he needs a vehicle to get to school, there is no getting around that. am I being to easy on him bailing him out here or am I supporting him just enough to set him up for being able to support himself in the future? Why do I always second guess whether or not I am getting it right? Is it because he is my first? or is it my perfectionist attitude strangling me?

My "extra child" is causing me grief now too. I am begining to wonder if perhaps she isn't undiagnosed  bipolar. she definitly has peaks and valleys, right now she seems down, not a good time to be down, she is trying not to get up in the morning for school, she is sleeping lots during the day but out at night, she is not eating well, or sometimes at all. She just started a new job last week and if this is the pattern she will stop going soon and lose the job. The rest of the gang are planning a birthday party for another friend this weekend. They don't want her to know about it. They planned for a night when she is scheduled to work, so that she would not be able to go, but they know if she finds out she will blow off the shift without calling to party. Last time they had a party she drank too much then had a panic attack and needed to be taken to the hospital. a good time was had by none! I gave her the ultimatum yesterday you get up in the morning and go to school or you get up in the morning and go look for a full time job or you get out! This is not a free ride you have to contribute to yourself or the household to stay here. I impose those rules on my own kids they have been aware of that since they were small, there is no freebee in life, you make your own destiny. 

I am just tired now, they are sucking the life outa me.

Audrey, I think all mothers really want to try the 'sink or swim' approach, but the maternal guilt won't let us! I don't think you're bailing him out, because it is your van, so the insurance not being paid ultimately reflects on you. But I wouldn't give him any cash. Like you said, a grocery card is good because he can get his food, but no money from it. Do they sell gas cards? Maybe you could get him one. But as far as the gas money goes, I think I'd let him learn what it feels like to be without a vehicle if you don't have gas money. I wouldn't bail him out on that one. I think I'd also tell him that if you give him more gas money and it disappears again, the next thing you'll pay for is a bus pass. There are no third chances.

No fun taking on the problems of a kid that isn't even yours. I think you've done the right thing, saying what you said. Now stick to it. Because as a mother, I know you'll feel guilty about kicking her out and worry about where she'll go and what will happen to her. You're a good person, Audrey, and it seems your good nature and kindness is being taken advantage of and if you don't stand your ground, it can only get worse.

Your last line made me giggle...I say that ALL the time!

Audrey - there always a bike. He can bike to wherever.

Anne

Audrey - I am constantly second guessing my actions/decision with Emma too.  I think it's because we care so darn much about them and want to be perfect at parenting, although perfect parenting is nonexistent.  We'll just continue to do the best we can by our kids.  Trust your own judgment; my gut feeling(s) is usually always right.  Emma blows through her paycheck in 3 - 4 days every week (no matter if it's $150 or $50) and then comes and begs us for cash.  NOPE; we give her nothing!!!  We will put a few gallons of gas in her car so she can get back and forth to work and to counseling, but that's it (no cash.)  However, Alex's situation is completely different since he's away from home.  I think the GC for grocery and gas are excellent ideas (although you can buy a lot of crap in grocery stores and gas stations in the U.S. - is it the same there?).  I know how important it is for him to get through this school and if bailing him out once will allow him to get through it, then so be it.  He just has to realize that you are not going to continue to bail him out.  Kid to adult growing pains - they want to be adults and "think" they are but are still ever so dependent on us.  Emma is 18 but thinks much like at 14-year old so she is extra dangerous to herself.  We have thought about kicking her out since she isn't do her schoolwork, isn't cooperating on curfew and other things but I know she would just jump into the arms of the first guy that has a place of his own and we all know what would happen next.  I am torn about what to do with her, so I just live day-to-day right now.  We're still pushing her to finish high school and some days I'm hopeful and other days I'm ready to throw in the towel.

That's a tough situation with your "extra child."  She could well-be bipolar; her behavoir sounds a lot like Emma at times.  My advice there is "stick to your guns."  If she doesn't conform to "house rules" she's out.  My husband and I haven't always been consistent with Emma and boy are we paying for it.  She knows how to manipulate us, although after dealing with this for quite some time now we are learning.  

Have a good weekend!!!

Robin 

As The World Turns!

While Alex was home for the weekend someone (that he goes to school with) broke into his room and dumped ketchup, margerine, and mustard all over his bed into his pillows all over the walls. All the bedding is useless now, some I had just purchased for him and some I already had. No matter it all needs replacing, so more money! They know who did it the police are involved, but charges have not been laid for B&E or mischief just harrassment. Apparently Alex heard that  from a chum that the dude said he was going to slash his tires, that we had just bought for him... Dear Lord it never ends! The school had another room ready for him and his roommate Sunday night. They provided some bedding for him until he has had time to replace his own. Then they pulled him out of class today to go to the police station and sign a complaint. He said he missed a test. I certianly hope that they allow him to make it up. Mama bear is about to rear her big ugly head and let out one big nasty roar if the rest of this does not go well.

Anne the bike would be a good idea except he is on the night shift for the actual machines 4-12 and his bike is worth more than his car. Thats his passion, heck his bike is probalby worth more than my car thats why he has no money! He left it home this week I think he new it's safety was perhaps in jeopardy

All this and Laura gave me her cold for mothers day! Way hey hey...this is my walk on the moon!

Why are some people such doinks? Poor Alex. I'm sure he did nothing to even remotely deserve that. I hope something comes of him signing a complaint.

I hope everyone had a good mother's day! I know I did. The kids didn't argue at all. But today was back to business as usual...in fact, I think they argued a little extra to make up for yesterday!

I am a happy camper as well because I discovered that I could have Walk On The Moon as a ringtone for my cell phone. I'd rather have Here and Now but they don't have it yet. So my phone can now ring to WOTM, Mari Mac or Ordinary Day. Very cool.

I had a very rough night of insomia last night...couldn't get to sleep till almost 6am. So I didn't get Adrian up. Tho, shouldn't he be able to get himself up? Anyway, he missed school, and homeschooling went by the wayside because I felt like shite when I got up. So hopefully I can get some sleep tonight...wish me luck!

Wow, Audrey - so sorry to hear about Alex.  I think they should kick whoever did it right out of school.  Why do people pick on others; I have always hated that.  I remember in middle school a friend of mine shoved a fudgesicle (sp??) ice cream bar down the back of a fat kids pants (he was sitting and you could see his butt crack) and, of course, everybody laughed.  I almost cried I felt so bad for that boy.  He just sat there and did nothing like it wasn't even happening but I know he was humiliated.

My Mother's Day was sucko - my daughter didn't even acknowledge me - no card, no words, notta.  It hurt but I don't know why it surprised me; she is incapable of ever thinking about anyone but herself.  My husband was a trooper and tried to make up for it but it wasn't the same.

Trace, I hope you were able to sleep last night.  I get insomnia from time to time and it's almost always on Sunday nights. 

It's a beautiful day here today.  We got several inches of rain from Sunday through last night.  Roads out everywhere.  Now it's bright and sunny and warm.  Yeah!!

Robin 

Robin, I'm so sorry you didn't get the Mother's Day you deserved. Out of me and my 2 siblings, I am the only one who gave my mom a gift and I have the least money. My mother even told me I didn't have to, but she does so much for me that I couldn't sit by and do nothing for her (I bought her a bottle of wine, some blue cheese--her fave--and some crackers.) Adrian barely acknowledged it was Mother's Day. He didn't SAY anything, but as I said, the kids not fighting was the best gift I could get. Spending the day with Chelsea was beautiful too. She's so sweet. I'm gonna miss her when she mutates.

It is a gorgeous day here today. Jim and Chelsea are out doing some yard work and I'm preparing to leave to do groceries. Gotta pick up some embroidery floss for the cross stitch I'm doing for my mom's wedding gift too. I'm regretting the pattern I chose...I did it years ago and forgot how fiddly and time consuming it is! Oh well, it's my mom. (I'd like to say you only get married once, but this is her 4th! And hopefully last!)

Oh yes, almost forgot...I DID sleep last night. Glorious. Fell asleep and didn't wake up till 6:50 (usually I wake up several times a night to pee!). Then I laid in bed till 8. I feel so much better than I did yesterday.

This has nothing to do with the kids, but this thread is the one I feel most comfortable in...July 9th will be my 20th wedding anniversary and I came across this picture from 1985, I was almost 20 and Jim was 24 (and yes, Jim is wearing makeup...he was in a band and they were performing that night):

I feel so old!

You wouldn't happen to be Tracey Gold would you? Because you totally looked like her!

His make-up I could deal with but I have to admit I snickered at your hair.

It was 1985 for pete's sake! Meh, you're too young...baby. (And I don't care how conceited it sounds, I'm better looking than Tracey Gold! So THERE!! LOL!)

Just wait till July when I post all the big hair pictures from my 1988 wedding!

Okay, here's something that will make all of you with sons giggle...Adrian has homework to do and hadn't done a thing (THERE'S a shock). So I told him that if he didn't have half of it done by 2:00, he was going bra shopping with me!! Hahaha, you never saw a kid move so fast!

I figure this tactic could work with girls too if you threatened to take them in the change room and model for them!