“jesus he comes up to me and jesus he sits down

he says “take this fuken cross off my back, I'm goin downtown"

                                                                                                                       Dan Bern "One Thing Real"

I was almost 2 (a fully formed teen in human years)  before i realized that my name wasn’t Jesus Christ. Every unintentional carpet butt rub, occasional involuntary leg hump, and purely accidental pee on the floor were all met with the same indignation from McCann; The immediately outraged refrain of “Jesus Christ!”

When the veracity of my real nomenclature was eventually realized (maggott, baglicker, and arsepick all removed thru process of elimination), I began to wonder who this Jesus fellow really was and why his name was so viciously maligned. Turns out he was the fraking son of god! So why the big hate on? Wherefore the huge wrath? what did this devine man do to deserve such a bad rep?

One would think that association with the supreme being might be considered a plus for your popularity points. Not so for poor Jesus. He gets blamed for every stubbed toe, traffic ticket, and misguided hammer swing on the planet. It’s not bad enough he had to die for our sins? Now we have to constantly castigate him for our petty mistakes as well?

Jesus fuken christ!

Give the man a break.

Tosh