Tosh... there's a clip on one of my fave late night sites that you'd probably enjoy... something with a little Japanese flight attendant, teaching her little underlings the meaning of service with a smile... but I think that kind of service only comes with a business class ticket. Preflight smoke may be dangerous for flight attendants though... could you imaging a full long haul flight with 100s of people with simultaneous munchies... those girls would DIE!... then try finding one when you really need her.

Tosh

I know what you mean about going through security. I can be glib and very easily amused, so I've had to suppress my basic instincts when it comes to contemporary air travel. Six Words: leaving Ships and Dip, Miami airport.

Here's one from the humour file for you. As my husband and I headed home from the cruise, he wore khaki shorts with several dozen hidden snaps in them. Consequently, yet apparently to his complete surprise, he set off every alarm in Security. A stern looking man with a dangerous looking metal wand lead him over to the full body scrub section. I looked on from behind the marked lines on the floor. After several minutes and much dirty dancing, it appeared to me as if Security was about to have him drop his pants finally.

Then, I saw Hubby talking fast and turning a slightly brighter shade of post-Caribbean red. The body language was all submission and, well, something close to begging. I couldn't hear a thing. In low whispers, Hubby was explaining to stern-faced Security that he, man of a million metal snaps, was, if you can believe it, traveling commando. Oops.

I know you're not supposed to display any sense of humour whatsoever while traveling through security. I know it's, in fact, against the law. But, I swear I could've died laughing right there.

So, as he's doing up his belt his primary concern is do I have his watch? ...ring? ...where are they? ...am I sure? ...am I holding them?

I mentioned he would be holding something else in a minute if he doesn't pay attention to what he was doing. The security guard was the first to crack a grin, and let's face it that just NEVER happens these days. By the end of it, he had Security asking me if I had his watch.

You know your anxiety is big when it can distract Security from a national anti-terrorist directive. There I was answering: "Yes, I've got it right here." (for the fifth time) But, what i was thinking was something more along the lines of: "What I want to know is who has his underpants!"

By some miracle of self restraint I didn't shout it across the imaginary holding cell to Security. But, I couldn't resist a hearty: "So how was the full body scrub?" when Hubby was finally released.

A guy waiting for his buddy in scrub down cracked up. Then, we both completely lost it too. I like to think Security was smiling inside. Laughter still is the best medicine.

WOOF!

Dude you write well but the constant theme of booze is getting muighty boring. It's bad enough when the frat boyz can't say 10 words w/o bragging about how fucked up they got last night, it's worse when it's buddy in his 40's going on about another boozy affair. It gets old real quick. Have you noticed it's the same little pack who always responds to your blog and hardly anybody else? Don't you ever wonder why that is?

Do better. Please. We know you can.  

I say: "write on!"
Keep up the good work!

That "Air Cannibus" line cracked me right up.

And I LOVE that Little Red Riding Hood Song.

But I gotta ask you, Tosh, what's with all the removing of clothes? Since when does a dog wear clothes? Never would have figured McCann to be the Paris Hilton type who dresses his pets up.

Dear GBS.COM

Can we do something about disabling the anonymity of posters. I think people are much less likely to take random shots if they're known and accountable.

Thanks,
Tina

P.S. Tosh, I always give a lot of consideration to responding to random, petty and needless attacks. I am responding here because sometimes when you're the one being attacked it's very hard to remember that people--even lovely ones--only see what they choose to see. They respond how they choose to respond. Sometimes it's not what they say but how they choose to say it that carries the message.

Most of us realize you are still developing your chops. Keep at it beagle buddy. I don't consider myself a part of any pack, as insinuated. In fact I'm not. But, I also think you have lots more to say of real interest. I look forward to hearing it. Even if some lovely people make it nearly impossible for you to be as vulnerable as truly good writing requires, you can do it. You've got lots of nonjudgmental fans. WOOF!

I think I went "squee" out loud when I saw you quote the first line of that song. It's the only one of Sam the Sham's I know, but I love it! Aoouu.

I sympathise with the air travel madness; the hilarious thing is that flying around the Middle-East is no problem at all. Flying into or out of the UAE, Syria or Lebanon, no one could care less that you're bringing a bottle of water or a tube of toothpaste onto the flight.

Wait.... why would you end up sitting next to Doyle on Air Naked? And what exactly would be wrong with that? Does he have cooties we don't know about?

hahah both would probably sound apealing to many people in canada !!! tosh you rock :P

Tosh, dood...pull yer hed out yer netherregions and listen up...I'm a mom, I know what I'm talking about, and really, I'm only looking out for your best interests...

if ever you feel the urge to imbibe in a pint, do not EVER, under any circumstances, try to drink a porter directly from a bottle.  The first sip turns into foam, and is not only unpleasant, but rather unsightly coming ou'cher nose.  Ask the McCann (nicely) to pour it into a glass for you...or doggiebowl, as the case may be (may I suggest someone keep one in the freezer for just such an occasion?).
May I also suggest you try Otter Creek Stovepipe Porter when you venture into NH/VT this fall?  I'll keep a glass dish ready in the freezer for you, just in case.  You can bring the humans if you must, but um, make sure they're clothed, yah?

and, seriously...living room, airplane, back porch...it's all Air Cannibus from what I've seen *LOL*  really...to grossly misquote a happy little hippy from the 'official' Woodstock movie...wouldn't the world be a MUCH happier place if we all smoked a little now and then? *wink*
After all, the only thing anyone high on pot ever killed was a bag of snack food...yeh?

Oh, re: the idiots and their leaving trash in the forest...I saved a wee orange salamader from drinking a Corona someone left half-way up the mountain down the road here...may have died with a smile on,k the biddy thing...but prolly wouda been happier to just live the full course, non?  I'll hold 'em down, you chew their tender bits off, we'll rake 'em over the shards together...deal?

Air Naked?  Phooey!  Why not get yourself a pilot?  Thats how I came to Carp last week.  I visited with my Canadian cousins and "my" pilot came to the Bluesfest to see your guys.  No security hassles, no travel kennel, no check-in nonsense, just get in our plane, and 4 hours later we are there.  What more could a body ask for?

Got to say that I love this little riding hood song lyric...:D

Vitamin G... never heard of it. Oh, wait... the special unique one that calls a Guiness. Only the best for my favorite Lad.

Air-Canibus, or Air-Naked... Now, you may be into something. Charge more, but get a flight with a theme. Just like a cruise, they may be a marketing niche in there.

To Tosh - Air-Naked, you take the seat next to Sean, I'll take the seat next to Doyle...even if the plane goes down, I'll die happy.

To LovelyRita -- Darlin', he's a dog, he is entitled to talk about booze and licking himself.  If you don't want to read about it, stick to Bob's and Alan's pages.  The rest of us get a kick out of our little Beagle's tales.

Air Cannibus? Thats right up my alley! Tosh I'd be right there with ya the day that happens! LOL Vitamin G is for Guiness, Gin,Goldshlager. Basically any liquid with alcohol content, and that just means a dandy good time!

Late again, I see...but having spent nearly 12 hours on 3 separate aiplanes yesterday WITH MY CHILDREN on our way to visit Grandma's, I want to fly Air Canibus on my return flights next week! lol

Behind as always, but I enjoyed the laugh. Air Cannibus. Tosh, you make me giggle.