Extra-good Tail, Tosh. BTW, the same applies to what you tell others. My boyfriend told me, "If you want to avoid disappointing a woman, tell her you have a really, really, really tiny penis. If that doesn't scare her off right away, she'll be so happy to find it's actually just slightly below average."

You know, it's a very scary thing....I had a boyfriend once who thought like this.  But, he never seemed to be happy anyway.  Be careful Tosh we really don't want you to be a permanently depressed pooch. Although, you're right, there is always rum!

I hate to burst your bubble, Tosh, but I think you're going to have a tough time getting either Jessica Simpson or Kirsten Dunst to blow a beagle!  Even if you lay off the poo-eating.

Go bury something, or roll in something dead.  That should lift your spirits.

Want or expectation is the root of all unhappiness according to Buddhist tradition, so Namaste Tosh.  

The four truths as written by a dog gotta love it.

Tosh

You have a human soul, my friend. You certainly understand our neuroses anyway. Shag mediocrity. Look, I'm not advocating that you lie to yourself. Why not be the beagle you dream of being? It's all a dream anyway--a short one at that. Dream big. Free fall hard. Let go of expectations. Laugh long. Pick yourself up. Give your head a shake. Integrate the experience. Repeat at will. The journey has all the juice anyway.

There's nothing to fear but fear itself and the occasional pair of pants.

WOOF!

i.e. "losing" the occasional pr...

Tosh,

I;m with Tina on this one. Why not dream big? Just don't EXPECT to land somewhere. Hope is better than expectation. Expectation implies someone owes you something. Earn the kudos, be happy with little things but still strive for the big things. Any distance you make towards your goal is good. As long as it doesn't end up with you in the doghouse. Peace and bellyrubs to all.

Anne

PingBack from http://jessica-simpson.affurls.com/in-denial/

PingBack from http://kirsten-dunst.affurls.com/in-denial/

Dearest Tosh... your poo eating has me concerned... my pup was a bit of a fecalopheliac (he'd role in femme-dog poo - probably because he was simple, clueless and couldn't figure out what to do amongst females), but eating poo could be a manifestation of quasi-geophagy and a sign of deep psychological need. I would suggest that McCann send you to see a dog whisperer asap... perhaps a group session might be in order. Seems as if McCann can use some retraining... not being a particularly good friend lately... leaving you all over the country and otherwise making you feel marginalized in your own home... not good. Perhaps he deserves a week of kibble as penance.

How does Marley cope with the new family dynamic... does Pet status bother him the same way or does he lack a similar human soul?

Just remember, dreams / goals are important... without them I'd be a terminally single, professional student destined to be a pitied spinster / family caretaker... which in a large Italian family sucks... should just change my name to Cinderella and get it over with because my prince lost my phone number. Without our delusions, getting out of bed is pointless. Our dreams can put a spring in our step and otherwise make a boring day Ab Fab!

"Let them eat poo!"  Why not?  Well, not literally, but you know what I mean.  If it makes you happy, just do it!  It's simple.

A pooch's whole life is spent building a legacy, and the final result will not be known until the end.

One never fails until one stops trying.  
Lying to yourself is really all your state of mind.  It's what you make of it.  

Embrace the mediocrity!

And yes-- do enjoy the rum!

Tosh-man
"This is my message to you:"..."don't worry about a thing, cause every little thing is gonna' be alright" Marley (but not the dog).  

Moe offers "Lessons in Lab" at no charge.  He is happy to do do.  He's a Lab; he is happy to do everything!  
Moe says:  We don't have expectations or hopes, we just are happy to be here!  Labs are eternal optimists.  We greet everyone with a wag and a lick. We are excited about waking up, going outside, going inside, going in the car, yes, even going to sleep. We live in the moment. Labs love the dog's life. Labs seem to go through life with a smile on their face and a wag in their tails, even when, like the other day, the bag of kibble is empty and they are left tethered in the yard when the family goes out, and it starts to rain.  Yes even then, it is possible to see the bright side when you think like a Lab ("I see squirrels" - "i can chase them" - yank - yelp - "ooo i see birds", "i can can chase them" - yank - yelp - "ooo i see..." well you get the idea, eternally optimistic!) And when Helen, John and the kids got home, I greeted them with an abundance of happy barks, wet kisses, muddy paws,and true Labrador Loyalty, even tho' they forgot to pick up that bag of kibble at the store.  Did I complain?  Nope.  I got yummy people-food instead, and lots of it!
Denial?  Not part of the Lab-vocab (unless the trash is all over the kitchen...then it is best to go hide under the bed and pretend you can't see it - but act humble so they forgive you for it, since you know you can't deny it)
Mediocrity?  Roll in it.  Eat it.  Lick it.  Piss on it and claim it as your territory.  And prick up your ears, wag your tail and make the best of it.

Tosh, for further study Moe suggests that you go hang out with Molly for a while and do a Lab Lab. Throughly study the mind of the Lab, let a Lab be your guide-dog.  Don't worry about what the future holds for you - just take pleasure in the little things that DO bring you joy.

*sending some rum (and mint leaves), belly-rubs, and a bag of Moe's favorite buffalo-rawhide chewies your way*
"Moe-jito" Reynolds and Helen

Tosh my dear.

Honesty with oneself is an admirable trait.
Too many people live in a state of delusion or refusing to recognize their own faults and shortcomings.

However... recognizing the less than wonderful aspects of your life and being honest about them by no sense means having to accept them as they are.

Saw somethin written about serenity someplace (and excuse my poor translation):

Look for the patience to accept the things you can't change
Garner up the courage to change the things you can.
And seek the wisdom to know the difference between.

So buddy...

So as Tina so aptly put it - Shag mediocrity - and reach for the stars buddy!

We're behind you all the way!

much affection!

Hell, Tosh, you're a rockstar-by-association.  If you knew how many humans I've known who attempted that and just ended up looking like morons, I think your kibble would taste a lot more like steak!

I hate to disagree with the others here but you may have a good chance on getting blown by Jessica Simpson Tosh. Keep your head up lad, don't sweat the small stuff & never let a human tell you not to eat poo. Don't believe McCann when he tells you ball licking is not allowed, it's your God given right as a beagle to do what makes you happy. You're  luckier then most as you have had the opportunity to pee all over this great Country of ours.

Tosh lil buddy do as you wish. I bet all dogs want to dream large and roam freely instead of being on a leash (figuratively and real). Hope your dreamy thoughts come true!

WOOF!

I could say receiving said activity from Kirsten Dunst is about as unlikely as getting it from Jessica Simpson.  Not bloody likely to happen, dude, you are a BEAGLE.  However, it is not my job to burst your bubble.  Apparently you have already done that to yourself (and the other thing too, or so you said).  Nor is it your job to burst mine.  Personally I am spending all of my time in Narnia, where all of the following things are perfectly true:

1.  I am a gorgeous redhead noticed & desired by all - as opposed to I am a more or less ordinary looking brown haired girl with glasses, unnoticed or ignored by most.

2.  My dog is my constant companion who goes everywhere with me & is never an embarassment because she is so sweet & well-behaved - as opposed to my dog cannot leave my securely fenced yard because she is a sociopath on a mission to exterminate her entire species, except herself of course.

3.  My horse is an Olympic level 3 day eventer & would jump the moon if I asked him to, landing in a thundering gallop with flying mane and pounding heart - as opposed to my horse may look cool, but he is an enormous klutz who can barely stand on his own four hooves without tripping over something.

4.  I live in a cabin in the woods on the banks of the Lostine River, where the only sounds heard at night are the owls & the water - as opposed to I live in a house in town, five blocks from campus where I am awakened on a regular basis by obnoxious drunks, domestic violence & my neighbor's 4am rendition of a horrid rap song involving repeated use of the phrase "mother *bleeping* ho."

5.  I am a world renowned ecologist to whom everyone listens when I tell them to stop cutting down all my forests, poisoning all my rivers, flattening all my mountains, & killing all my wildlife - as opposed to I am recently unemployed, counting my pennies & wondering where my next meal is coming from, let alone my next house payment.

So join me in Narnia dude, it's a very happy place.  You can have 3 each of Ms. Simpson & Ms. Dunst and probably Scarlet Johansson and Reese Witherspoon too, if you like.  And I've got all the Johnny Depps & David Beckhams my little red-haired heart desires.  Also there's plenty of Tequila to keep the delusions going.  Or rum, I guess, if you prefer it.

I just came back and re-read my post...."He is happy to do do.  He's a Lab; he is happy to do everything!"  
NO!  Not "do do"!  It was supposed to say "do SO"  Geeze after discussing poo-poo, you'd think I was too...but no, just a sloppy  typo! *oops*  And being unable to weild my might moderator powers over here and edit my error, I had to post this correction.

...and now back to our regularly scheduled DogBlog...

Tosh you are one funny dog!