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Tosh's Tails

He Shoots! He Scores!

He drinks 6 beer and then 15 more!......He comes home to find his suitcase packed at the front door.....


I love hockey. I love everything about it. The sound of a solid slapshot, the crack of a back on the boards, the smell of of a glove rubbed hard in the face and, of course, the imminent threat of physical violence. Chase this down with a few "Be Coupla Carefuls"*  and you have a perfectly squandered friday afternoon. 


If only it were that simple.


The hardest thing about playing recreational hockey is not going out for wings and drinks directly thereafter. Try as I might (and believe me i have) I am completely incapable of leaving the rink and proceeding directly home. I am all too predictably pulled like a wayward comet caught in the gravitational pull of the Duke of Duckworth or the Black Dog or some other reputable rum serving establishment. Next thing I know I am on my ass, passed out in the back seat of a Gullivers* reeking of hockey bag and beagle fart.....hopeless.


The fact that I am powerless to fight my post game urges has lead me to this conclusion: Hockey; Canada’s national sport, is a Gateway Drug.


It is my belief that hockey has led to the breakup of thousands of families over the years. The addiction is real and, if not treated early, the chances of rehabilitation are extremely slim. Awareness and education are the key......and kindness will have to be the cure.


I am Tosh. And I am a Hockaholic.



Tosh



*bottles of Blue Star

*killer cab


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Published Monday, June 02, 2008 11:13 AM by Marielee

Comments

 

Roz said:

Don't fret.  The addiction is real and makes for a long summer...
Hope you're watching tonight...I believe Dan Cleary may just become the first Newfoundlander to hoist The Cup.
Go Wings!  Let the octopi fly!!!!!!
M-
June 2, 2008 11:42 AM
 

TinaMack said:

Seeing as you are McCann's air-travel steward, I think it's only right and fitting that He return the favour and stick handle your wayward-comet self home after your Friday games, Tosh. Can't guarantee you'll actually GET home that way either, but at least you'll have company in the penalty box.

But, what do I know. I am Tina. A hockey apathetist and linguistitarian. ;)
June 2, 2008 11:46 AM
 

Horatia said:

Tosh... I hear you loud & clear... somethings are best washed down with wobbly-pop... that being said... I don't watch / play hockey. Two Stanley Cup rings in the family makes for seriously violent hockey talk, etc... best to be ignorant.

For me, drinking is attached to concert-going... and I'm the affectionate drunk... who can't remember what she's drinking... that falls into the rhythm of "what ever you're having sounds great"... perhaps stealing an unattended scotch (or two... or three... can't rightly remember)... kissing / professing my love for some random guy each evening... which leads to blacking out & being told the horror stories over the weeks that follow. Luckily I have a great group of girls who can hold me back and point me to the door... its also nice when a white knight occasionally shows up with a cab.

Fortunately the rest of my life is suitably uncomplicated, no spouse, no dependents, no master who leans on me... my only worry is waking up in the right city & being able to sit up in class the next day. As for words of wisdom to a hard working Dawg deserving of his play... sorry bud, I've got none. Keep your chin up. Cheers.
June 2, 2008 12:00 PM
 

Fran said:

Tosh, honey, you must be more careful. It's not so much the hockey followed by the drinks and wings. It's the hockey fights during the game that inevitably turn into bench-clearing bar brawls afterwards (with your own teammates even). I don't doubt you can hold your own, with McCann at your side you guys could probably clean off the benches easily, but there will still be collateral damage. You're too good-looking to end up with a broken nose. (Though a fat-lip may get you some cuddles from the girls fretting over you afterwards).

It's all part of the life of a Newfoundlander/Canadian. Hockey, beer, & wings are inevitable. Just be careful (and remember hockey bag and beagle-fart are not attractive, will pick up no girls, and leave you sleeping on the back porch if you manage to make it home).
June 2, 2008 4:05 PM
 

alan-rocks said:

Way to go Tosh, the first step to getting over an addiction is admitting it! Haha, just kidding. I'm willing to bet you're not the only Hockaholic Newfoundland has, so don't worry about it.

Hockey rules!

Krista

(And yes, I'm a hockaholic too.)
June 3, 2008 8:43 PM
 

MariaB said:

I was just thinking about the hockey thing  in terms of per capita statistics..... I'm not commenting on the after game activities.

http://www.legendsofhockey.net:8080/LegendsOfHockey/jsp/SearchPlayersByCountry.jsp?co=CANL
June 4, 2008 9:15 PM
 

druidcat said:

You know, my ex and I only fought when the Red Wings were eliminated.  We broke up right after they were eliminated in 2004.  I think I have a hockey addiction.  Now that they won the cup (WOO HOO!), I find myself staying up late at night shopping for 2008 Stanley Cup championship stuff!  And I'm going through hockey withdrawls.  I'm glad I recorded the last two games!

FYI, I'm geeked about the new CD.  GBS was introduced to me during the 2002 euphoria after the Red Wings took the Cup!  So, in a way, I kind of relate the two.

Hope GBS makes their way to West Michigan!

-Michael
June 11, 2008 9:13 PM
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