And here I thought I was the only one who could work up a good dose of self-loathing in Latin. It's somehow more potent when you hate on yourself in a dead language. It's unchangeable. Gets the point across more succinctly. I'm not sure if it's the inner Catholic or the inner English Major that prompts it. Perhaps it's a dangerous combination of the two.
At any rate, commitment to change can be a real pain, but I hope you’re happier in the long run. Motivation tends to be a sharp kick in the pants, too. Isn’t it funny how love, which can generate so many different forms of elation, can just as easily expose you to the most agonizing misery? You’re at the same risk whether you love someone or allow yourself to be loved. The good thing is that if love is your motivation, especially the reciprocated love of friends and family, you couldn’t have picked a better incentive or a stronger foundation. You’ll do fine. As a great, great songwriter once observed, “You gotta believe in love.” I’ll be thinking about you. Good luck!  

I think you're more dependable than you realize. You always seem to be around to keep the guys out of trouble, get them on the plane, etc. You gotta stop being so hard on yourself and relax a little.

Chronic insecurity doesn't end when you get your grad certificate but you've got to let go a little before you spontaneously combust. Sit back with some dog treats, watch some Battlestar Gallactica, and fur up the couch for a while. You've got a long tour ahead of you.

Good on ya.  I'm sure you know, but rest assured you have the support of many friends and fans.  So great to see you standing up for what matters most in life.  Perhaps theres a song in there somewhere.  All the best.

Have told ya before Tosh - you got my full support buddy!
Fun and games aside - family is what matters most (band family included).
So don't ever lose sight of that!

And remember you've got friends who really do care and will back you up anytime.

It takes some of us well into our 30's, even 40's to sort out priorities, to learn life's lessons, and to "grow up".  Some of us are still working on it.  I know I regress to my inner teenager at times, particularly at GBS shows! It takes a great deal of courrage to privately recognize a problem, but to publicly share it is admirable and a huge step to take. I sincerely hope you find a healthy, happy balance in life.  It is no easy task.
"Somedays"
Peace.

Hey Tosh, God bless you for your honesty and commitment, and as Helen said, for sharing your challenge.  I think you're one special beagle, and clearly a good companion.  Wish I could have had you riding shotgun with me, on that meandering trip from Dewey to DC :>.

You are definitely in my thoughts. Enjoy the extra cuddle time with your family...

It takes a strong person to admit this sort of thing to the general public, and I commend you for it.  Not everybody can or will admit to something that can be destructive for oneself, family, and friends.  But do come out and do just that here is a giant step in the right direction.

I rarely drink to excess myself because I lived with alcoholics most of my life - family, friends, and even a beloved ex-fiance - and I've seen the damage it can do when the person refuses to admit that there is a problem.  My own stupidity started with the first joint I toked in Grade 11...and culminated when I was in college, single mother to a five year old.  I was a raging coke head.  I almost lost the most important thing in my life - my son.  I still don't know how I managed to finish my college program, except for me deciding that I couldn't lose my son, and therefore my very life.  With the help of a good friend I quit and went through a horrifying withdrawal.

All I can say is take one day at a time, and know that you have people around that love you and will provide any support you need.  Even us fans.

Hey Tosh!  I applaud you for recognizing the problem and committing yourself to doing something about it.  However you decide to solve this, always know that your fans all around the world are supporting you and cheering you on.

Tosh,
You are a Newfoundland super hero. The finest kind. :D
WOOF!

You are loved and admired for so many things, this is another reason to add to the list. I wish there were more like you

i am cheering from a few thousand kms away Tosh buddy! Keep throwing the brews back when you can! :D Woof

I was trying to think of something useful or meaningful to say and all I could come up with was something my Dad said  "just because there is a brick wall in front of you doesn't mean you have to bang your head against it".  In my more sarcastic moments, I think he meant I should bang someone else's head against it instead (my brother's for example).  But in my more grown up moments I realize that he meant there are obstacles on every possible path you would choose, but there is always a way around, or over, or under.  And nobody's skull need be cracked.

Gasoline and fire are two extremely useful tools, and also two of the most dangerous.  Gasoline gets us where we are going, but use of it poisons the very air and water that we depend on for our lives.  Fire is the single most important discovery in the history of mankind, but when allowed to rage out of control, destroys
everything in its path.

The brick walls blocking your path to happiness can not be burned out of the way with fire, even if you fuel it with gasoline.  Brick will not burn, but it will explode if you heat it up enough, and then you've got one hell of a hot hailstorm, burning and bruising everyone who happens to be standing under it.  It might be a long
hike around or a particularly dark tunnel underneath, but it is possible to get to the other side without blowing everything up.

I left this for a while and I just re-read what I wrote, and I realize that it's a bit rambly and probably makes no sense, but maybe you get the idea.  Good luck.

To the forest with you! Immediately! Long walks amongst the tall, steafast trees is required...Now!  

Sean -

As just one guy in the audience, what I'm offering pales in comparison to what your family and friends must be offering right now. But I'll say this anyway: you are valued and important as a husband, parent and creative partner. I have always been impressed with the (sometimes disguised) depth of feeling and insight that you've brought to Great Big Sea, and am sure that you bring those gifts to your private life as well. The strength of character you frequently display as an artist is a tremendous resource to draw from during this challenge. Use that strength, and hold tight to what you love.

If it means anything to have the support of another face in the crowd, you have it.

-- Chip

Your family and friends are worth 100 times all of us out here, but if you need to be accoutable to the masses, we're listening. You've touched us all.  I hope you meant it.

Tosh's Tails
Intervention [Poor] [Poor] [Fair] [Fair] [Average] [Average] [Good] [Good] [Excellent] [Excellent]

I drink too much.

It all started back in high school where many cans of Blue Star were routinely shotgunned* into one's gullet previous to the parish hall dance. As if acne, raging hormones and chronic insecurity weren't enuf......a healthy dose of alcohol was not unlike throwing gas on an open adolescent flame and more often than not ended up in vomit and regret. The hasty word, the punch poorly thrown, the wrong girl, the complete bullshit.....all symptoms of a far greater pain. Self induced. Sad.

For whatever reason, I have managed to remain openly adolescent my entire life and gasoline and fire have been my constant companions. Always there at my side just waiting to be reintroduced. Dependable. I wish I could say the same for myself.

The two things I love in this world are my family and my band. Unfortunately, they are the ones who pay the highest price for my weakness. Innocent civilian casualties of my own unjustified war . Unacceptable.

I have been granted one final reprieve; one last chance to live up to my real potential and the expectations of those who really matter. And I intend to make the most of it.

Habemus Sufficium (et mea maxima culpa)


Tosh


* puncture the can with a pen and cover hole with mouth. raise can above head and open. oral enema.

Share
Published Friday, September 05, 2008 7:39 AM by Marielee
Comments
 
Evangeline said:
And here I thought I was the only one who could work up a good dose of self-loathing in Latin. It's somehow more potent when you hate on yourself in a dead language. It's unchangeable. Gets the point across more succinctly. I'm not sure if it's the inner Catholic or the inner English Major that prompts it. Perhaps it's a dangerous combination of the two.
At any rate, commitment to change can be a real pain, but I hope you’re happier in the long run. Motivation tends to be a sharp kick in the pants, too. Isn’t it funny how love, which can generate so many different forms of elation, can just as easily expose you to the most agonizing misery? You’re at the same risk whether you love someone or allow yourself to be loved. The good thing is that if love is your motivation, especially the reciprocated love of friends and family, you couldn’t have picked a better incentive or a stronger foundation. You’ll do fine. As a great, great songwriter once observed, “You gotta believe in love.” I’ll be thinking about you. Good luck!  
September 5, 2008 11:45 AM
 
Fran said:
I think you're more dependable than you realize. You always seem to be around to keep the guys out of trouble, get them on the plane, etc. You gotta stop being so hard on yourself and relax a little.

Chronic insecurity doesn't end when you get your grad certificate but you've got to let go a little before you spontaneously combust. Sit back with some dog treats, watch some Battlestar Gallactica, and fur up the couch for a while. You've got a long tour ahead of you.
September 5, 2008 2:31 PM
 
bgordon said:
Good on ya.  I'm sure you know, but rest assured you have the support of many friends and fans.  So great to see you standing up for what matters most in life.  Perhaps theres a song in there somewhere.  All the best.
September 5, 2008 2:34 PM
 
bzjennyb said:
Have told ya before Tosh - you got my full support buddy!
Fun and games aside - family is what matters most (band family included).
So don't ever lose sight of that!

And remember you've got friends who really do care and will back you up anytime.
September 5, 2008 2:42 PM
 
Helenwheels said:

It takes some of us well into our 30's, even 40's to sort out priorities, to learn life's lessons, and to "grow up".  Some of us are still working on it.  I know I regress to my inner teenager at times, particularly at GBS shows! It takes a great deal of courrage to privately recognize a problem, but to publicly share it is admirable and a huge step to take. I sincerely hope you find a healthy, happy balance in life.  It is no easy task.
"Somedays"
Peace.
September 5, 2008 2:54 PM
 
annette said:
Hey Tosh, God bless you for your honesty and commitment, and as Helen said, for sharing your challenge.  I think you're one special beagle, and clearly a good companion.  Wish I could have had you riding shotgun with me, on that meandering trip from Dewey to DC :>.

You are definitely in my thoughts. Enjoy the extra cuddle time with your family...
September 5, 2008 3:18 PM
 
Bonnie-the-Bodhranista said:
It takes a strong person to admit this sort of thing to the general public, and I commend you for it.  Not everybody can or will admit to something that can be destructive for oneself, family, and friends.  But do come out and do just that here is a giant step in the right direction.

I rarely drink to excess myself because I lived with alcoholics most of my life - family, friends, and even a beloved ex-fiance - and I've seen the damage it can do when the person refuses to admit that there is a problem.  My own stupidity started with the first joint I toked in Grade 11...and culminated when I was in college, single mother to a five year old.  I was a raging coke head.  I almost lost the most important thing in my life - my son.  I still don't know how I managed to finish my college program, except for me deciding that I couldn't lose my son, and therefore my very life.  With the help of a good friend I quit and went through a horrifying withdrawal.

All I can say is take one day at a time, and know that you have people around that love you and will provide any support you need.  Even us fans.
September 5, 2008 4:16 PM
 
CelticLark said:
Hey Tosh!  I applaud you for recognizing the problem and committing yourself to doing something about it.  However you decide to solve this, always know that your fans all around the world are supporting you and cheering you on.
September 5, 2008 6:18 PM
 
TinaMack said:
Tosh,
You are a Newfoundland super hero. The finest kind. :D
WOOF!
September 5, 2008 6:49 PM
 
andi said:
You are loved and admired for so many things, this is another reason to add to the list. I wish there were more like you
September 5, 2008 10:00 PM
 
CharlesGBS said:
i am cheering from a few thousand kms away Tosh buddy! Keep throwing the brews back when you can! :D Woof
September 6, 2008 1:11 AM
 
OregonRain said:
I was trying to think of something useful or meaningful to say and all I could come up with was something my Dad said  "just because there is a brick wall in front of you doesn't mean you have to bang your head against it".  In my more sarcastic moments, I think he meant I should bang someone else's head against it instead (my brother's for example).  But in my more grown up moments I realize that he meant there are obstacles on every possible path you would choose, but there is always a way around, or over, or under.  And nobody's skull need be cracked.

Gasoline and fire are two extremely useful tools, and also two of the most dangerous.  Gasoline gets us where we are going, but use of it poisons the very air and water that we depend on for our lives.  Fire is the single most important discovery in the history of mankind, but when allowed to rage out of control, destroys
everything in its path.

The brick walls blocking your path to happiness can not be burned out of the way with fire, even if you fuel it with gasoline.  Brick will not burn, but it will explode if you heat it up enough, and then you've got one hell of a hot hailstorm, burning and bruising everyone who happens to be standing under it.  It might be a long
hike around or a particularly dark tunnel underneath, but it is possible to get to the other side without blowing everything up.

I left this for a while and I just re-read what I wrote, and I realize that it's a bit rambly and probably makes no sense, but maybe you get the idea.  Good luck.
September 6, 2008 1:40 AM
 
Janeill said:
To the forest with you! Immediately! Long walks amongst the tall, steafast trees is required...Now!  
September 6, 2008 6:16 AM
 
ThatChipGuy said:
Sean -

As just one guy in the audience, what I'm offering pales in comparison to what your family and friends must be offering right now. But I'll say this anyway: you are valued and important as a husband, parent and creative partner. I have always been impressed with the (sometimes disguised) depth of feeling and insight that you've brought to Great Big Sea, and am sure that you bring those gifts to your private life as well. The strength of character you frequently display as an artist is a tremendous resource to draw from during this challenge. Use that strength, and hold tight to what you love.

If it means anything to have the support of another face in the crowd, you have it.

-- Chip


What he said - and add to all that your kindness and sense of humour and sense of compassion -we seen it through the years, you're one special person.

ooops I didn't mean to copy and past all that sorry all.

This can be more than on last chance.  This can be the start of somthing completly different.  And please don't venture out on this journy alone.  It's time to be bold, leave insecurities aside and take a chance. Find someone who knows what they're talking about.  Now. http://www.health.gov.nl.ca/health/commhlth_old/factlist/drugdepts.htm

Wow...that was quite...personal.

Support is really important and looks like there's no shortage here.  But ultimately my friend, the decision is yours.   You can't stop hurting others until you stop hurting yourself.  Good luck.

Sean,

It took an incredible amount of courage to share this publicly, and a far greater courage and profound self-awareness to realize and admit this to yourself, no matter how painful it is. I commend you deeply for that. You are one the right path. It may be rocky at times, but you're on your way. *HUGS*

My father battled with alcoholism his whole adult life, so I have been privy to many of the struggles it comes with. As ThatChipGuy said, (whose comment I cannot echo enough) the strength of character you display, which is so evident to us, mere strangers and faces in a crowd (so I can only begin to imagine what great personal strength you possess in your private life), along with your loved ones, and love for yourself, and commitment to doing right both by them and yourself, will be your greatest resource.

My father, bless his soul, was a great man and fought hard, he did the best he could, but he lost the battle. He passed away 19 years ago, when I was 7. I still miss and love him dearly. Your story, your path, does not and I know will not be so dark. You have the support of your family, bandmates, friends, and millions of admiring faces in the crowd. Know it, and know that you can do this.

I know you can, and heck, the closest I've ever even come to having a conversation with you was you handing me a guitar pick at the NYC Town Hall gig bout 2 years ago. :) (and I still have the pick btw, and play guitar w/it all the time) If you see a chubby redhead playing air bodhran in the Atlanta gig crowd next month...know that while I may be another face in the crowd, know you have all my support, prayers, and positive energy too.

Cheers and bright blessings.

-Amanda Berberich

All the best words have been used by everyone above, but I still want to say - Way to go.

What you've written is powerfully honest, clearly forecasting that you're going to accomplish what you're setting out to do. Re-read it every now and then if you need a reminder of your convictions. It's all in there. (are you a writer or something? :)
Thank you for sharing this with us. I, along with so many others, am on your side and brimming with positive energy flowing in your direction.

- Michele, from Long Island

Brave to admit, that's for sure! Good for you. As one who's seen 17 years without the drop after too many foolish days/nights/weeks/months/years, I can only promise you that being sober does not always require one to be a grown up!  A little healthy regression helps the process.  

Things to remember: you're not alone, you're loved and there's someone Upstairs looking out for you all the time or you wouldn't have gotten here.  Keep the Faith.

Cheers,

Kati

No one is perfect. We weren't made to be.  I truly believe everyone's GOOD points outweighs their "challenging points."

You can't change what was done 5 years or 5 minutes ago..but can only *move forward* from now.  Good intentions and a willingness to improve are HUGE.  Some people never get even as far as that step when it comes to inner/outer change.

We have to forgive ourselves for health and happiness.

I often read the "story" below...it seems to help and encourage...

A water-bearer carries two large pots on a yoke across his shoulders up the hill from the river to his master's house each day. One has a crack and leaks half its water out each day before arriving at the house. The other pot is perfect and always delivered a full portion of water after the long walk from the river.

Finally, after years of arriving half-empty and feeling guilty, the cracked pot apologized to the water-bearer. It was miserable. "I'm sorry that I couldn't accomplish what the perfect pot did."

The water-bearer says, "What do you have to apologize for?"

"After all this time, I still only deliver half my load of water. I make more work for you because of my flaw."

The man smiled and told the pot. "Take note of all the lovely flowers growing on the side of the path where I carried you. The flowers grew so lovely because of the water you leaked. There are no flowers on the perfect pot's side."

Sean,

Many have already said what I'd have said. We support you for your efforts and wish you all the success you deserve, which is a heap. We are all here secretly singing "Lean On Me" I imagine. There are plenty of family members and friends to help you along if you let them. God bless.

Sorrow like the roots of tree balances joy ,the tree itself. Dig deep with an open mind, don't judge, practice forgiveness and be joyful to find the precious thing that is you. We are all thankful and joyous at having found you and your lyrics.

You can do it, Tosh.  Our thoughts and prayers are with you!

Your words and beautiful voice have consistently lifted the spirits of so many of us here over the years--I hope you feel the love and good thoughts coming back your way as you start down this road.  You'll have as much company on the road as you will allow.  You'll be in my thoughts.

Just got to reading this. Have to say, it's so brave of you to post it up on the site.

I just want to say - however miserable/depressed/uncertain you may feel in the next few days or weeks, you CAN get through this. You WILL. You have, as you said, so much potential, so many possibilities - maybe even more than you realize. You are a brilliant talent, and nothing will ever change that; your best is still ahead of you. You must believe in that.

The world really isn't nearly as dark as it seems sometimes. Really.

You will be just fine.

Courage, mate. Courage.  Music is my religion, and it gives me strength.  A certain modern day troubadour, who has the voice of an angel, has inspired me with these words:

"I had a dream I was moving forward, floating gently to the sun
I've come to see my world rewarded, a new day has begun..."

[Trust me Sean, I'm still in the middle of eating a big steaming $hit sandwich that was served up by no one other than me-self.  I may be seated just one compartment ahead of you on the 'mea culpa' train, but at least I'm not still at the station. I don't know if it's getting better yet, but at least I'm moving forward.]

Sean and Tosh -

What you wrote took a lot of strength.  If you have strength enough to write it, you have strength enough to bear the challenges ahead; it may be hard to believe that, but as others have said, come back and read what you wrote here periodically. You'll surprise yourself with your own clarity and wisdom.

Having been raised by an alcoholic father and having struggled with addiction myself, I know too well the courage needed to change your life.  Friends and family are the biggest blessing, even if/when they are upset with you.  They want the best for you, as do all of us here. We're all pulling for you.

Music heals, beagles love you no matter what, and you have a lot of neighbors who will help pull that horse out of the pond.

"If you have strength enough to write it, you have strength enough to bear the challenges ahead"

As much as I hope for a good outcome for Sean, this "if you can write it you can do it" is wishful thinking at best, nonesense at worst. Reams of bullshit get written every day by people who are never going to be able to bear the challenges ahead. Writing something doesn't make it so anymore than wishing it to be so makes it so. You (we all) have to live it and sometimes you (we all) are going to fail. That's when you live it over again til you get it right, if you keep on with it that is. That doesn't always happen either. Every story doesn't end happy like the sitcoms or romance novels.

What't the point of trying to help somebody but not facing up to the real world?

I've had pretty much the same habits; they get better, they get worse.  There's one place I've especially liked in those periods of abstinence, all stripes of people from all over the world with the common issue of liking their beverages a little too much.  And it's as anonymous as you want it to be.
If you Google "Quit Drinking", you'll arrive here:
http://wqd.netwarriors.org/

I offer this bit of recently acquired wisdom: Take it one hour at a time...one day at a time.  When you slip up, cut yourself some slack for a change & start working on that next hour. (Trust me...It's a bitch at first, but becomes easier with practice!)

You're in my thoughts & prayers.

BTW, Tosh, as a sign of solidarity, you might stop drinking out of the toilet. ;o)

Sean,

I have no words of wisdom or beautiful writing like some of the above, but I just wanted to say good luck with your most recent challenge in life.  Most times we can do without the challenges given to us, but they are what makes life revolve.

Family and friends are all that matter in life.  We are here for a good time (but not too good ;) - not a long time.  We all need to remember that.

You are an incredible song writer and have a voice of an angel.  You have gotten to where you are in life because you are a strong person.  You can overcome anything that you want to, and I know you have a desire to just by sharing something so personal with us.

Your little boys and loving wife are the only things worth anything in this world.  You only need to remember that - it will guide you.

Thank you for doing what you do and entertaining us so well.  My thoughts are with you and your family.

Take Care...Judy

Thanks for sharing this with us!

I know by experience that it really helps to talk your problems out. Especially with strangers. Go figure!

You're already half way there. You know what's important and you want to make it work.

Good luck and thank you for all your great talent.