Tosh's Tails 2010
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Roll Call
Thursday, March 04, 2010
"Things they do look awful cold (talkin bout my generation)
Hope I die before I grow old"
The Who
Well here we are facing our 17th birthday (this year it will be in Madison WI) and what must be our millionth tour (approx) and we are definitely starting to show our age. McCann's pipes are slowly shaking off the rust of prolonged vocal rest and Doyle's back is rebounding from a painful Olympic flare up. Bob remains unscathed....at least in the physical sense but his recent foray into hat wearing is cause for some concern. Murray is still sexy but narcoleptic when it comes down to actually having sex (no worries there girls) and Kris.....well Kris just wants us all to play at the same speed.
The Crew, as always, are fully rigged and ready for action. Andy, Jaye, and Brit are back for more punishment and we are very happy to welcome Johnny Dangerous into the fold (he's the young thing behind the mixing board....as sexy as Murray and nowhere near as sleepy). And yes, Glenn, perhaps the fittest of the lot, will be manning the merch crease every night.
Roll Call complete. It's time to shake off the stink of the studio and get back to work.
You only live once
Tosh
Sex Games
Friday, February 12, 2010
The Games have yet to begin and I am already tired of the Olympics. Who really cares about who can skid down a hill the fastest or not really shoot the vermin rabbit. It all just seems like a big excuse to watch even more hockey. Why can't we create a competition about the one thing we all really care about; sex.
Here are some suggestions for what I think would make a more "engaging" Olympiad:
Replace "the Luge" with "The Huge"
Instead of "the Downhill", lets have "the Go Down on her/him hill"
"Ski Jumping" becomes "Ski Humping"
Changing "The Halfpipe" into "The Holepipe" would bring new meaning to the word "freestyle"
and why "Speed Skate" when you can "Speed Masturbate"?
Make these few subtle adjustments and I guarantee this years games will enjoy the highest ratings in Olympic history.
How can I be so sure?
I've seen Bob's Sled.
Happy Valentines day you dirty dogs!
Tosh
www.greatbigsean.com
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Just as my little dog star was starting to rise, Captain Shanty here has to go and poop all over my Paw Parade. Does he really have to go and launch a website when things are finally starting to happen in my career? Why does everything always have to be about him? Why can't the light just shine on me for a change? Would that be so terrible? I mean, it's not like the man is starved for attention; up onstage every night singing and dancing and soaking up the praises of good people. I mean, how many pats on the back does one ego require? The guy can't even pass a mirror without stopping for a look.
Shag him.
I'm gonna launch my own friggin website: www.whyismccannsuchanarsehole.com
Lick my Lullaby
Tosh
Doggy Style
Thursday, February 04, 2010
Recognition of the star that I am has arrived. I have been invited to attend a function as a "celebrity". Beagle Paws, is having a fundraiser in june and I have been asked to speak. After years of neglect, I am finally getting the respect I deserve. The fact that I cannot actually talk is a minor technicality. I will be heard.
Which is more than I can say for McCann. He's been reduced to a whisper since christmas. I have to admit, it was a relief for a while not to have to listen to his constant whining: "Who ate my slipper? Does this make my bum look big? Who Pooed on the driveway?" It does get tired pretty quick. But now I feel bad for the crotchety old misanthrope. One is what one does.
But enough about him. Let's focus on me. Now that I am famous, I shall require a proper entourage. And I don't mean those syncophantic Jonas blowing bumlickers you see at the grammys. I need me some real deal bitches who know how to do more than just bark.
and security. Big dogs command respect (ain't that right Mr. Mailman?)
and my own reality TV show. "Flavour of Bone"
and a rider. cat food, corona, and coconut cream pie.
and a Raise. Bellyrubs and Backscratches and the occasional pussy to chase.
and if McCann don't like it.....he can bite me.
Tosh
Great Big Easy
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
The streets of New Orleans are paved with treble clefs....and the sidewalks swing like loose skirts. Music is embedded in the atmosphere like oxygen.....and then there's voodoo. Here is where we find ourselves, with the ghosts of the masters.....burning blood and rattling bones. Between worlds. Twilight.
This is the first record GBS has made outside of Newfoundland. We had many options but NOLA is a mistress whose charms we could no longer resist. This city is rubbing itself all over us like some exotic spice. Every note played is flavoured with the rhythm of the Saints.....and Black Rum.
People here would rather sing than talk. People here would rather dance than walk......and they often do. Every morning is a melody. A symphony every nite. Smiles and tears cohabitate in open hearts and faces as people surrender to the beat of a city slowly slipping away into the sea.
The Big Easy has us all by the throat.....and we like it.
Tosh
